I want to learn how to properly build a habit/routine that isn't dopamine driven. I have ADHD and I recently realized, even as I'm pushing 50 years old, that all of my hobbies, habits, and "likes" have been dopamine driven. I need to learn how to exclude the reward of a dopamine hit as the reason for doing something. Resources welcome.
A good ADHD coach can be life-changing, as cheesy and corny as it sounds. As you’re likely aware (but for the benefit of everyone else), the ADHD brain is not extrinsically and intrinsically motivated by the exact same things of someone with a more neurotypical brain.
An ADHD brain is more motivated by external Urgency while a more neurotypical will be motivated externally by Importance. This often leads to ADHD people being perceived as anywhere from flakey, unreliable, to totally unconcerned with problems and/or commitments. In social relationships, they are perceived as being anywhere from touch and go to just unwilling to invest into social bonds. The worst part is that if you are able to mask well in one area, you just don’t have the energy to mask everywhere else. It’s like an unwinnable game of wack-a-mole.
It has taken many years and losing so much to get to where I am and it’s still objectively shit. Knowing that every in the world is not made for how your brain functions and is often made specifically for how the majority of people’s brain functions is depressing.
I’ve found that very carefully selecting work that lets me lean into my specific strengths (good under pressure, able to dive deep on technical problems and pull out results, and being a good business
communicator), in conjunction with aggressively automating or pre-preparing parts of my life that suck (laying out clothes/tools/equipment the night before, having a checking “escrow” account all my auto bill pay gets pulled out of) helps me function more efficiently.
It gets better, you can carve newer and deeper neural-pathways by sticking to routines, and finding ways to get that dopamine.
I would recommend you read Tiny Habits by Dr BJ Fogg. A lot of people recommend Atomic Habits but I will go against the grain and say I don't think Atomic Habits is a good book and Tiny Habits is a much better read.
I disagree. Both books suck for procrastinators/people with ADHD. Most of them won't finish reading these books. People should watch a 10/20-minute introduction to developing a habit on YouTube instead.
These books are written to sell, not to be read by the target audience. They're far too long, and their structure is bad. For dozens of pages, there is no actionable advice. The reader loses interest by that time, and the book lands on Tsundoku tower. I suspect short self-help books don't sell well, so each book must have 200+ pages, even if it sets up the reader for failure.
I am also diagnosed with ADHD. I can't change my brain chemistry so I've come to the conclusion that if dopamine driven activities is what keeps me going then so be it. Instead of fighting it, I welcome it. ymmv.
In the same boat and I am all for calibrating ones expectations and goals based on strengths and weaknesses but if one is in severe ADHD there is no way it is not affecting his life in very challenging ways
Yeah this was exactly my conclusion too. And it enabled me to give up things that I wasn’t good at, couldn’t consistently practice, and felt as tremendous burdens. (Namely music and foreign languages). They just don’t stimulate me enough to be able to consistently practice as much as is required for mastery. Unlike jumping a bike which I can do for hours on end. Wish I could play music better and speak Japanese, but I can’t and I finally realized I never would for fundamental chemistry reasons
All these suggestions about different or better planning programs or habit forming things etc…. They have an efficacy that last six weeks, then wears off, and they themselves become another shameful burden.
Someone else suggested a 'coach' and please, I beg you, don't waste money on a 'coach'; they are a scam.
If you want some professional input or support (highly recommended!) see a psychologist or an occupational therapist who has experience working with ADHD adults.
OTs are the best option for ADHDers considering 'coaching' imo; OTs are professional problem solvers and will help you build the skills to be your own coach (among other things). They're also educated, trained, and regulated. OT as a field has some serious problems but that's a rant for another time. They're a fantastic resource for ADHD adults looking to learn to work with their brain on their own terms. They can absolutely help you achieve those goals. Working more regularly with one for a short while and then reconnecting when you need extra help or have new challenges is common.
If you're looking for professional body doubling/human rubber ducking or some more casual kind of motivation and support, disability support workers are also an option much better than 'coaches' imo. They should also be regulated and have at least some training. They're also cheaper than 'coaches' and they're not a scam trying to lie about credentials, regulation, or scopes of practice. I've had disability support workers help me with some really banal stuff I just needed that extra push to get done.
I know some people swear by coaching, but it's a repugnant scam preying on people. I think the market of ADHD adults realising they want or need help exploding combined with a lack of education and awareness that there are already existing actual professionals that can help has perfectly paved the way for these scam artists to swoop in and steer people away from professional help. Anyway, please see an OT or a psych instead of a 'coach'!
Google "adhd hobby jumping". Too much to explain here. The main thing to keep in mind with ADHD is that when a normal person simply thinks about doing a task, they get a hit of dopamine that gives them the motivation to do the task. An ADHD person doesn't get that until after the task is done, which leads to them never starting. The exception is with things that are an instant dopamine hit. The new shiny. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
What I've found helps me with hobby jumping or not completing tasks/practicing/etc. is to not talk about it. If I'm going to do a task or work on a hobby the act of saying I'm going to do something triggers the same dopamine reward as actually doing the thing. Instead I try to only talk about things that are already done in order to hold myself a little bit more accountable for actually working on stuff.
I know I'm answering late, but WOW I didn't know this was an ADHD thing. I have noticed that if I talk about doing a thing, I don't do the thing, and the opposite is true. I thought this was just a ME thing. Mind blown. Thank you for sharing this!
