I think it's a false dichotomy.

You could be really intellectually challenged for 20 hours a week, then spend the rest of the time with your family. Or you could do meaningless grunt work for 60 hrs a week, and never see your family. For me, with two kids, I'd rather have the former.

You also need to think about when your kids leave the nest. At some point they don't want you to be a big part of their lives. Even my 10 yo is exhibiting this. There's a narrow window they really want you actively part of their lives. Then there's a part you need to give them space and you need your own thing.

Finally, there's the consideration of providing for your family. If you totally 'check out' and don't develop your skills too long this could have a negative impact financially in the long term.

I think you’re past the point of picking a job for “me”. You have to pick a job for “us”, which could easily require a safer, less interesting yet more stable choice for you. Kids like stability. Your partner might not be easily able to move. You said you want to be an active participant in their lives. Pick something that is interesting or rewarding enough to do every day yet provides you time and energy for other people.

You can go through life as a singleton, doubleton or family unit. All have strengths and weaknesses and the available options differ for each.

How can you gauge whether a job is easy or hard without being in it?

The reason I ask is that for a job I thought would be extremely difficult, once I started to apply my work philosophy to it, it's actually become the easiest job I've had especially once I conquered the challenges that others perceived to be "hard".

I think work and your career are what you make out of it. The reward is generally the same given you are paid the same each year. Sure you may get more respect from your colleagues or a higher bonus for taking on harder work, but the question to ask is "Does that even matter long term?". If you already know you want to be more involved with your family, then you should seriously consider how wrapped up you can get in new work.

Don't fall prey to "hard life now -> easy life later". This hardly applies to work unless work is your life. New and exciting should never mean "hard". It only means that today because you don't know what to expect.

I seek challenges because they lead to growth and growth can yield opportunity, but I do try to balance reality too :). That said, nobody on their deathbed has wished the worked harder/longer/etc. Family first - just realize that they don't need as much of your time as you likely think they do. An hour an evening, a few hours each day on the weekend and you are already winning.

Easy job.

But factor that easy job might be hell , the hard job might be heaven.

You have no idea what a job will be until you've been there for at least 6 months. After that the warts start to show. Even beyond compensation, quality managers are the most important thing.

I've had several nightmare managers who expected me to work nights, ignore known issues until a higher up notices ( of course you'll get thrown under the bus).

I've also had amazing managers who did everything they could to keep our team effective.

I'd go for whichever job provides the most PTO. I'm at a point where I want to move to Europe just because of the work like balance.

If they have the same time requirements, then the hard job because keeping yourself intellectually stimulated will (I assume based on question) fulfill your self-identity and keep you mentally healthy and you and your family will benefit from that.

If you are the kind of person who, it appears, takes some sort of pleasure in being able to tell themselves they’re doing things that are hard then that self-actualization will keep you happy.

If there are trade-offs then the linear combination of the various things to produce your personal score requires your own coefficients.

Take the easier job. That should allow you to focus on your family more.

I went from a fun hard job to a easy job. I hate every moment of it. I love my kids, and spending time with them. but without the challenge, I don't feel fulfilled.

but i also live in a area with a train commute that makes getting home late vs very late irrelevant. Ie. even if i leave at 4pm (early), i still get home at 5:30, which misses most of my kids stuff anyway until weekends.

what we need to do as a society is kill commutes.

You should choose based on how many months your wife can support you if you decide your choice did not work out. No upside job is always stupid, so contemplate the one with upside but have a frank discussion with your wife on what the risks are and how much runway you would need to get back to your version of a typical job if your adventure doesn’t come to fruition.

There's a lot of faux difficulty in the form of coming up to speed/new processes/new people/new location with any job. I promise they'll both be sufficiently hard until about the six month mark. The question is if you'd like the difficulty to roll off from there, or continue at a plateau (or maybe even increase).

You imply readers’ understanding of “easy”, “challenging” and “hard” are the same as yours, which isn’t.

Hence the answers make no more sense than a coin flip.

Try to reformulate in somewhat measurable and objective terms, then you might get the true power of HN collective wisdom.

Often the hard one. If there's a choice, then there's a reason why the hard one is even an option. There's often some fear and risk, but chances are that the risk/return are worth it.

I took the easy job. It made me a little anxious at first, like I was doing something wrong. Picking up some side work filled that hole. The side work can be paused at any time. It's pretty much ideal.

If both jobs are new to you, it’s very difficult to know what will be easy or hard from the outside. I’ve had jobs that I thought would be high stress actually be easy and vice versa

Well, there are so many more factors that go into a job decision. For me, the biggest factor by a large margin is how I like the team.

I think eventually the hard job won't be that hard- so go with that one and you can stave off boredom for longer

Flip a coin. Reassess in a year.