Not the answer many people would be looking for, but for me in my post-school life, church has been the main source of friends and acquaintances who are not related in some way shape or form to the tech industry. It’s also where I ended up meeting my wife.

Not sure if it is coincidental, but the churches I’ve attended have also been the only social circles I’ve been involved with that had a distinct lack of tech industry people. However this is in the NYC area, I can’t speak for somewhere like SFBA where I can imagine so many people are somehow connected to the tech industry.

Location matters a lot. Larger cities where there's more job opportunities will usually attract a lot of people from smaller cities with less opportunities. Since these people are generally new to the area they are less likely to have established friend groups and will be looking for the same thing as you. This fosters an ideal environment to find new friends and even potential romantic partners.

Once you're in a location where you have an ideal number of varied people without established relationships, you need to go to where they will be found. And you need to keep going there so people start to get to know you and trust you.

He's some ideas on that:

- Get roommates if possible. They will introduce you to others. Even consider going to the extreme of joining coliving spaces to maximize this.

- Or rent Airbnbs where you're sharing a room in a place with others (for the same reason as above).

- Join clubs or events that overlap with your interests through Meetup.com or mentioned on a local Reddit. Make sure you keep going to the same ones so people get to know you.

- Work at a co-working space where you can run into others doing different things from you. This one has worked the best for me.

- Use apps like Bumble that are meant for this. Believe it or not, Bumble isn't just for dating.

- Finally, if all else fails, there's always bars and coffee shops. Some are more interesting than others. Try to strike up a conversation with others. Keep going to the same ones.

Essentially go to places with the most people who aren't in established cliques of friends and make yourself visible to the same people as much as possible.

Good luck!

Children. I spend so much time going to birthday parties and hanging out at the park with my kids friends that their parents are now my friends. I find that I need to maintain the friendship so my children have friends outside of school (and an example of how to keep friends for long time).

Take up a hobby ? Preferably one with a club in your neighborhood. Good way to meet people with at least one common interest. Or do volunteer work that's different from your paying job. You get to know different people and talk about different work. Go to events, workshops, concert or whatever. You can do that online and meet people there. Alas most of the time you'll be on mute and contact with fellow attendees is scarce and difficult. Going to a physical event makes getting to know people easier is my opinion. Covid has made it hard to do this last few years though.

You ever find it harder to find when you looking intentionally, but find it easily when you were least expecting? So having moved a lot, finding friends became a fruitless endeavor. So many don't set roots down when in midst of the careers. So find most of my relationships all transitional. I have a need to have a friend i can count on but uncertain of where I'm settling. I keep thinking if it's worth my time to find a friend during these transitional times in my life? When I know with good amount of certainty I won't be here long enough to establish a sound relationship and if I do, I'll do the disservice to uprooting it by moving. Thinking it's almost selfish to try.

So I came to the conclusion although not finding much in way of friends, thought to turn to talking to random strangers to see what turns up.

Friendship for men is a sad state of affairs. Especially, here in California where most are and even though I'm from the midwest, I feel like I moved to a different country.

Work "friends" haven't worked out because no one stays long enough or connections deep enough to stay connected i find. Few factors; language, culture, race, heritage.

Neighbor "friends" intent to be transitional. As soon as the house get appraised 2x, they are outta here, but also language, culture, race, heritage.

Meetups(.com) never worked. Unless you like "working the crowd" for a potential suitor. How do you walk the room looking a bit desperate and targeting people to strike up conversations. Men just don't do that. Most look awkward, eat/drink in a corner and leave as soon as they can. I'm here on HN for years, have tried contacting some directly and through comments, but not a single one had the courtesy of replying back.

Churches. And if the relationship doesn't workout? You ignore him at every service? Or you find a different church? Or be gossiped out of the community because you crave Metallica? My In-law parents went this route. And now they've ran out of churches to escape fruitless baseless gossips.

There has to be a way for men to meet other men without looking like you want an affair or belittled or berated for being you.

ugh. Men being men suck. World wide. They need to get over it.

However, like you, I too have a thought asto how one could overcome this. It centers around an idea of getting an attention for your "idea." And I put idea in quotes because it's not actually an idea but a thought. However, it isn't reddit where 90% of the time you're talking to a 15yr old. As they say, a need is the mother of invention.

I met and became friends with some good and interesting people at a trivia game. I was new the area, and saw a trivia MeetUp (it ended up being the host using it as an advertisement), but when I got there the host suggested I play with a team he knew, and I've been good friends with them going on 5 years.

If you go to a trivia game, look for a team with older players, walk up to them, and let them know you're new and don't have a team, and if you could join them.

To find interesting people one must be interested in them first. It's like, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

>To find interesting people one must be interested in them first.

To which I'd like to add: it wouldn't hurt to also become interesting yourself by expanding your horizon: learn a new language, travel more, learn how to cook or another uncommon skill, try to become the (authentic) cheerful, optimistic person, other people would like to be around.

Very well put, and I share your sentiment.

Still, kids, who have done none of these things can still sometimes be interesting.

Eastern Orthodox Church

It’s more of a drinking club

A local D&D group (or similar pencil and paper roleplaying game) will usually turn up some interesting folks. I played with a group for a bit with a veterinarian, a programmer,a waiter, and an engineer (myself). It is really hit or miss though if you meet at a games shop that's fully public. Had some guy play once that fit all the stereotypes for the genre and made everyone uncomfortable.

I ended up not being a huge D&D fan as the DM (dungeon master who narrates and controls the game) was new and the game centered around the common theme of leveling your character and so on, when I would have rathered a game focused on heavy dialogue, puzzles, and intrigue rather than mainly combat. So it can take you awhile to find the right game and group of people.

Edit: check out "critical role" on YouTube

I joined meetup.com a few months ago. There are groups for lots of different activities. And it's free.

In some ways this has been tried as a social app many times, but like any network, it is difficult to get adoption.

The thing is, you probably don't want to meet a bunch of other people who are just looking to meet other interesting people.

How do I meet people?

#1 - I talk to people in line at the coffee shop mostly, but also randomly at other places. I tend to go in waves with this, and Covid has definitely made it more challenging with masks and distance and all, but I've met some very interesting people just by striking up random conversations.

#2 - Define what you mean by "interesting". I met some of my closest friends when I got into open-water swimming and mountain biking. I also sometimes take my slackline to the local park and play around. I didn't do it to be social, but kinda hoped that people would be interested and join in. This hasn't happened as I expected.

#3 - As mentioned, meetups can also be an interesting place to meet people, but don't just go for the work related stuff. Pick something that would not usually be on your radar. Go in a somebody there to learn. People love to teach others about their hobbies. Though I've met a few interesting people at meetups, I don't think there is anybody I would consider a close friend. But I do meet interesting people when I was going to meetups.

#4 - Be interesting. What other things outside of work interest you? I used to be much better at this than I currently am. As I approach 50, I find that I've got my interests, and am not as broad as I used to be. Are you interested in the environment? How active are you in environmental activism? Interest in the arts? Is there a way you can become more active in that community? How about a class? My co-founder and I almost signed up for a local jewelry making course because we needed to learn how to do metalwork. But there was a part of me that just got excited about learning a completely new thing, and meeting the people that were drawn to that activity.

#5 - Connect with a connector. In chatting to people regularly, I met the owner of my local coffee shop. He knows everyone in the neighbourhood, and when he is at the shop and not working, he is regularly introducing me to other people he thinks I may have a connection with. I met a very interesting guy through that connection, and we have a lot of common interests.

I think the key thing is to be out there doing, but don't be needy. Enjoy the act of finding interesting things, and you'll find interesting people will be drawn to you.

Volunteer work would be one way. I teach ESL through my parish one night a week. I can't say I've made close friends, but I am on friendly terms with quite a few people. They include lawyers, teachers, bureaucrats (this is Washington, DC, after all), the occasional engineer.

Sports might be another. Pretty much anyone can learn to bat well enough for slow-pitch softball. And there are running groups that accommodate runners of all levels.

Or just walking around your neighborhood. Other people will be walking, too, and at some point you will talk to them.

Depends on what you define as educated. You can find people who are much more educated than oneself on a specific topic (or more), yet not as educated in other ways. People from a variety of professions participate in most groups.

You could do track days or AutoX, beekeeper club meetings, ham radio groups, mycology groups, experimental aircraft association (or ultralight) group meetings, group dance lessons, etc. There are tons of different settings and clubs/groups that can be great ways to meet interesting people.

Join a rec league in your city, pick up a new hobby like working out, or rock climbing.

Also a group of work friends isn't a bad thing, especially if they can introduce you to new people, friends etc.

First question is what makes you an interesting person? If you can Anwser that then we can provide you better advice. If you can’t work on that first.

The gym can be helpful. I would go at the same time and eventually befriend the regulars.

I went back to college and started a bachelor in philosophy in a specific cursus tailored for people with a full time job. Met plenty of fantastic people with various backgrounds.

Friends of friends. Ask your current friends / colleagues about their friends. Take interest in what they say. Find excuses to meet them. Make friends with them. Repeat.

This only works if you have friends to begin with. I'm a perpetual loner and the few people that I attract are usually loners too.

Buhurt,

You will meet so many colourful interesting people from every horizon, origins, political views, ...

I guess it would be the same for every young small and growing sport or communities

Places which do role playing games have always been great for meeting people. Get in a game and you have 4 or so new friends right there.

Frisbee? Or other sports.

Community college.