To add to this: ask people around you what they think you are good at. Often you will find they mention things you never even thought about. You don't think about it because they are so easy for you that you can't even imagine someone having trouble with it.
Your own innate strengths can be a huge blind-spot.
I'm a similar age. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago. Things got a lot better after my diagnosis.
Firstly, work with your health care providers. ADHD medication works well, even though it doesn't really feel like it works. (Even now I feel like my medication doesn't really do anything but if you compare my life before and after it's night and day).
Reading your post, it looks like you're having a rough time. Job hunting isn't easy, especially when you have ADHD. Rejection hurts for even the most well adjusted people. When you're feeling low it's very easy for your thoughts to spiral out of control. Try to notice when and how this is happening. For example:
Me: "I'm 36, I'm too old to ever get hired!"
Also me: "Is it true that no one over the age of 36 gets hired for jobs? Do I know anyone in my life who got a job over this age? Oh, my uncle was laid off 5 years ago and he got one."
There are many different cognitive distortions like this. You can google to find examples of them or work with a therapist to help notice them. Try reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns, he has lots of good examples to draw from.
It might seem a bit counterintuitive, but being kind and forgiving of your shortcomings can often make you more effective and productive. Imagine procrastinating for 4 hours in the morning and getting nothing done. It's easy to think "Damn, I'm worthless. I just can't focus. I can't stay on task. I'll never get a job at this rate." Now you feel awful. When you get back from lunch, you're much more likely to procrastinate to distract yourself from these negative thoughts and feelings.
Instead, try accepting and forgiving yourself: "I didn't do anything this morning. It happens sometimes. I'll try to just doing a little this afternoon and see how it goes.". It's true, you might still procrastinate, but you have a better chance of getting to it now that the negative emotions are smaller and more manageable.
I also recommend Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Russell A. Barkley as a good handbook, especially if you've been diagnosed recently.
Emotional control really is the *the* skill. When I was diagnosed with ADHD I learned that emotional disregulation was a part of it.
I had spent years trying to work out why everyone was so especially unkind to me. I thought maybe I was autistic (I'm not), or that I was giving off weird social cues. Turns out that I just have trouble regulating the regular ups and downs of normal emotional life.
Often people talk about task-completion and procrastination when ADHD comes up. That's emotional disregulation too. You sit at a desk, open your algebra book and start working on problem one. As soon as it is slightly difficult the uncontrollable emotions run wild. It feels awful. Now scrolling a couple of youtube videos takes your mind of it. You get a little break from (what feels like) world ending emotional pain.
I still struggle with this years after my diagnosis but the first step to improvement is to label the emotions you are having, when you have them.
> Emotional control really is the the skill. When I was diagnosed with ADHD I learned that emotional disregulation was a part of it.
I agree. I think emotional control and social navigation are sort of, but not entirely related. My ADHD inspired emotional disregulation meant people often found me difficult to be around, the emotional swings made them uncomfortable.
I became happier and more successful when I started learning to be less toxic, to control my emotions, or at least not make it other peoples problem.
Would you say the same thing to someone with schizophrenia to stop hearing voices? Or someone who was suicidal who took drugs for depression? Where do you draw the line?
Like it or not, to survive in the modern world you have to be able to consistently complete tasks. It's not just for the rat race. You need to be able to keep promises to friends and loved ones to maintain your relationships. Even just finding enjoyment with your hobbies needs a certain level of perseverance.
I was in a similar situation. Couldn't keep a consistent job, couldn't keep a long term relationship. Jumped from one thing to another again and again. Struggled with poor emotional regulation (but hid it very well).
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my early 30s and things started to turn around. I've kept up the same job for longer than I ever had before, I'm in a long term relationship and I am better able to handle the general ups and downs of life. Things definitely aren't perfect. I still have to handle forgetfulness, distraction, lack of focus and so on, but getting diagnosed helped me immensely.
Talking to medical professionals of all kinds can only help you. Maybe they find some simple, fixable cause. If they don't, you haven't really lost anything.
Yeah this. Sounded like a specific flavor of ADHD I’ve been lucky enough to build a toolset and team around my ineptness in a bunch of places including memory.
Ironically poster sounds pretty smart and good communicator
I have to say that because when you are having career trouble made worse by ADHD it seems like nothing will ever work. It can be a dark and lonely place.
Now, onto the advice.
When looking for a job, focus on the "micro" environment, not the "macro" environment. You are much more affected by the particular tasks you have day to day, you direct team and even your office than the overall mission or culture of the company. Game dev company vs finance company? Your ADHD doesn't care.
Look for jobs and positions with constant change. ADHD feeds on novelty. If you are working on something different every month then you get a lot of novelty. Maybe that means consulting. Maybe that means a technical support position in a large company. Remember, think micro not macro.
Try to find a team/manager/mentor that is friendly and supportive. If you're anything like you're probably hyper-sensitive to negative feedback. Even polite, reasonable negative feedback can feel like a dagger in your heart. Aim for a team that is overly caring and overly careful. Some people would scoff at this idea and complain that it gets in the way of an efficient team. You are not some people. You are you and need to work with your ADHD not against it.
See if you can find work with lots and lots of incremental small wins. This could be fixing many small bugs while working with clients, or writing code in dev team that does TDD all the time. The small wins will build your motivation, confidence and general good feelings.
The restrictions on ADHD medicine where I live are incredible.
I have to have a special registration card, separate from any other medical insurance or ID. When I get fill the prescription I must present photo ID, can only get a very limited amount etc. If my medical details insurance change for in any (for example an address change) my ability to fill the prescription is instantly cancelled until those details are updated (even though for any other medication this is not the case. For other medication there is a simple way to handle these changes retroactively, but not for ADHD medication).
Multiple times I've been without medication because of these traps. Not only that, they are rare and unusual enough that health care professionals don't know about them and sometimes give you incorrect advice.
I have a huge toolbox of techniques I use to keep on top of my productivity. I think I am an averagely productive person, which is a huge achievement for me as I struggle with ADHD.
Having systems for things helps immensely. Use a calendar, write things in the calendar as much as possible. Use some kind of to do list to keep track of what tasks are on your plate.
These systems will work well 90% of the time. Be mentally prepared for the 10% of the time when they don't. Accept that you might use the system "wrong" like writing a todo in the calendar because it will remind you of something important at the right time.
Reduce distractions with blocking software, but don't try to use blocking software as a replacement for self-control. Chrome plugins that let you access YouTube but hide the "related videos" feed are great. You can click on a YouTube video, watch the content and then stay on the task. Trying to lock yourself out of all possibly distracting sites usually just results in going to even more extreme lengths to circumvent the block. It's very "binge/purge cycle".
When planning, try to predict road blocks, both internal and external. We often write plans with the perfect happy path in mind. If your plan is to jog to the gym in the morning, what will you do when it's pouring with rain? If you plan to study programming all afternoon but your neighbor decides it's time for a 5 hour drumming session, where will you go? You want to try some new hobby, what will you do when you feel anxious driving up the first session? Getting good at predicting and planning around problems is a fantastic skill. You'll start noticing your emotional state more and noticing how it affects your productivity too. Nervous? Anxious? Angry? They can all throw you off your game (this is the biggest part of ADHD in my opinion, you're dealing with a storm of emotions that you aren't very good at handling when trying to complete necessary tasks. Many procrastination behaviors stem from this)
As for tools: if in doubt, use a pen and paper. A small notebook and pen is an incredibly versatile and flexible device that is also cheap and low distraction. If you don't have a good reason to choose something else, start with pen and paper.
Lots of good advice in this thread. Get checked out medically. Sleep apnea, ADHD, other things could be causing this.
If not, stop looking at productivity blogs and videos!
It's simple when you step back and think about it: You had a problem (productivity/organization not as good as you want), you tried a solution (reading/watching for productivity tips) and you noticed the outcome (your productivity didn't change).
It isn't working for you, so try something different! Try it, measure it, reflect on the result. Keep doing this forever.
There's no magic method, no magic pill, no organizational system that will just make everything work and be easy. But watching videos and reading articles feels good. It feels like you're just one step away from being totally organized and never having to stress about work again. Of course, that isn't true.
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