My father died in extremely unexpected circumstances, and as much as a will would've been handy (understatement of the year), there are other bits that save heartache and frustrated compromise.
For example:
- do you want to be buried or cremated? And where? Any thoughts on coffin design?
- do you want a church service or something else? What songs, how big, as many details as possible.
It's morbid stuff, but by writing it down informally somewhere, you lift the burden from your loved ones having to make unknown "it's what he would have wanted" guesses.
>> you lift the burden from your loved ones having to make unknown "it's what he would have wanted" guesses.
To each his own, but consider that maybe that's not the right question. My paternal grandmother recently died, and my dad sat shiva for her (Jewish mourning ritual). It almost certainly would not have been what she wanted, she was a fierce atheist. But it was what my dad wanted, what comforted him, and he was the one around and mourning, not my grandmother.
Absolutely +1 to this. My dad also died extremely unexpectedly, and while nothing about the process was easy, having his last wishes known to us was a relief. He and my mom had each prepared a "farewell letter" to the family. My dad's was characteristically brief, poignant, and hilarious - which itself served to make the situation a tiny bit brighter as we could almost imagine him there with us one last time.
And in other news, I still owe him a trip into the Great Smoky Mountains to scatter his ashes.
The one thing I know about my mother's death (won't happen until after she's reached 100 according to her) is that she has expressly forbidden us from having flowers at her funeral. Instead, she prefers we send her flowers while she's still alive so she can actually enjoy them.
She also wants her body to be burned in a viking longship out at sea. We'll see how that goes.
Curious. I never gave it a thought because I always assumed that the funeral is for the ones that keep on living, so it's on them to figure out which kind of mourning ritual would help them cope with the lose better.
To be fair, if I someone made me go through coffin designs for my own coffin, or any kind of arrangement, chances are it would end in a practical joke. I just don't give a damn.
For example:
- do you want to be buried or cremated? And where? Any thoughts on coffin design?
- do you want a church service or something else? What songs, how big, as many details as possible.
It's morbid stuff, but by writing it down informally somewhere, you lift the burden from your loved ones having to make unknown "it's what he would have wanted" guesses.