This is great, but would be much more helpful as an annotated doc that explained why the various phrasings were chosen, as well as what was left out and why.
What's the best platform for that? It can't be Word comments...
not to be flippant, but this is exactly why lawyers go to law school and then work on such docs for years to develop expertise. The value of a lawyer is precisely in what to leave out and what to put in -- and how to phrase it.
The annotations just for California law would be 10x the size of the document.
If any non-lawyers are interested in what a well-executed agreement with commentary looks like, I highly recommend The LSTA's Complete Credit Agreement Guide, which covers an industry-group standard loan securitization agreement. It's 600 pages. There are others, like commentaries to the ISDA Master agreements, but they're niche and very, very expensive.
For lawyers interested in what a masterfully annotated computer program looks like, have a look at Donald Knuth's "literate programs". If you've a uni library nearby, have a peek at his Computers & Typesetting. It's gorgeous stuff. Great pictures, too!
What's the best platform for that? It can't be Word comments...