i feel like the 'end' of all this was the development of my prefrontal cortex. a little late - age 28 or so - but right around on schedule, maybe delayed a bit by the marijuana.
i finally got to a point where i was capable of focusing on and thinking more about how things _are_ than on how i wanted them to be. it's amazing what that does for a person.
I'm glad you're doing better, both mentally and career-wise!