Sounds very American; like the server in a resteraunt being overly nice, making those of us who aren't used to the wallmart greeter style uncomfortable.
Cut the bull; I would rather people be more honest than be more nice (and if they are trying too hard, it's easy to tell). It's amazing how a bit of bluntness automatically influences me and how much niceness projection makes me sick.
So you and I are in a meeting and you throw out an idea. Would you rather me a) call you a fucking idiot without even thinking through what you said and move on or b) explain why I don't agree with your idea and let you clarify?
Even if the idea had zero merit, it is still in my long term interest to talk it through with you if I want you fully engaged on the team. The idea could be a teaching moment or even lead to an idea that works.
In the end it is not about being overly nice, but being respectful.
You're right that I was projecting my personal experiences. The people who I have worked with who called themselves blunt and honest were the same people who never defended an idea and instead resorted to calling everyone else idiots.
Saying you are blunt is often a way to sound superior or right when being rude to someone. Very few problems are as straight forward as 1+1=2, which is easy to state bluntly. Most problems though are more nuanced than that, and I have personally found that people who like to think themselves superior to others like to hide behind words like honest and blunt.
Depends how efficient you want to be about it. Also, respectful is quite different from "nice," but people's definition of what being nice means is quite diverse.
I'm not originally from America, but at family gatherings everyone wants to be "nice"... instead of discussing how they feel.
IMHO Fred Wilson's point is basically "Don't be a jerk" but he doesn't seem like the person who avoid saying what needs to be said (eg. This idea isn't viable) just to be nice. There is a appropriate way to convey criticism, and then there is being a jerk. Avoid the latter.
What you say reminds of what I've experienced as an American that now lives in Europe (Switzerland).
Soon after moving I learned to not smile so much - I was told that it makes me look simpleminded. Especially in meetings, and especially in meetings with German clients. Meetings are serious and very efficient here. I don't even smile at the beginning during introductions.
I also learned that the German-style of an employee review is quite different than in the US. In the US my reviews always started with the good things I did - my accomplishments, and then the bad things but the focus of the review was on the positive. Here, the review starts with the failures and how you can improve yourself, and then covers the accomplishments to about the same degree that the failures are covered in the US.
Self-assessments are more honest here too. I don't think American's are being dishonest when they assess themselves in their review - I just think that Americans aren't good at critical self-evaluation.
I've worked in Switzerland, Germany, and France and they are all very different from each other. Germans are very straightforward and would be considered 'not nice' in the US. The French are political - they may appear nice while they stab you in the back. Germany-speaking Switzerland is more like Germany, but the Swiss are easier to work with - not as rigid. I only had a few projects in French-speaking Switzerland and only one of those were with native French-speaking Swiss but they seemed nicer than the French.
Frankly, I've come to prefer how things work where I live now. From the outside it may not appear to be 'nice'.
Oh, and your last sentence reminded me of something else. My Swiss company was bought by a large American Silicon Valley company. The first time the C-level staff came for an all-hands meeting was a strange experience.
The Americans were smiley and happy and joking around in the front of the large meeting room... I think I'm becoming more European because I felt like they looked like idiots (idiot in the literal sense). The Europeans (about 100) were quiet as they usually are in meetings - some polite chuckles when an American would tell a joke during his talk, but they were getting frustrated at how long the Americans were taking to get to the point.
I spoke with one of the C-level staff afterwards and I had to assure him that the Europeans weren't upset about the takeover - most of us were happy for it. The Europeans were just more serious and respectful than the Americans were used to.
Cut the bull; I would rather people be more honest than be more nice (and if they are trying too hard, it's easy to tell). It's amazing how a bit of bluntness automatically influences me and how much niceness projection makes me sick.