>> I couldn't get syntastic's error marking column to stay on instead of shifting my text back and forth all the time

Try this:

    augroup syn_gutter
        au BufWinEnter * sign define mysign
        au BufWinEnter * exe "sign place 1337 line=1 name=mysign buffer=" . bufnr('%')
    augroup END

Bonus fancy character bling: let g:syntastic_error_symbol='✗' let g:syntastic_warning_symbol='⚠'