"it seems paralyzing to try and keep that stuff in mind and react in real time"
You're leaving out step three:
1. Read guidelines and reassure yourself that flirting is something you can understand and perform acceptably at.
2. Work up your courage and go to a bar/party/gathering where your friends say you will meet women.
3. Freak out when you actually get to the bar/party/whatever and consume a large quantity of alcohol to take the edge off your anxiety.
4. Find someone to talk to, forget all the rules, and either bomb out completely because they find your awkwardness off-putting or do just fine because your nervousness and ineptitude are within their acceptable range.
You're leaving out step three:
1. Read guidelines and reassure yourself that flirting is something you can understand and perform acceptably at.
2. Work up your courage and go to a bar/party/gathering where your friends say you will meet women.
3. Freak out when you actually get to the bar/party/whatever and consume a large quantity of alcohol to take the edge off your anxiety.
4. Find someone to talk to, forget all the rules, and either bomb out completely because they find your awkwardness off-putting or do just fine because your nervousness and ineptitude are within their acceptable range.