>If you want a girlfriend/boyfriend you start by making friends with people.
Not a good advice if your friends group are the same sex with you, which tends to be the case for a lot of people.
You gotta fish where the fish are.
Like, if you're unemployed and you want a job, you don't first go out making friends, hoping that once you become friends one of them can give you a job. You get a job by looking for a job and applying to jobs. Sure, depending on where you live and who you engage with you, might luck out and meet someone who can have a job for you but that's not the norm and you don't want to leave your survival to that random chance.
Similarly, if you want a romantic relationship you need to engage in dating activities specifically designed to maximize the protentional of meeting a romantic partner, not in friend making activities hoping one of them will be your next romantic partner because you might be wasting a lot of time with no returns.
Actually, I think the opposite is better: Engaging in dating activates can actually net you some friends along the way if the romantic part doesn't click.
Dating is one of those things I was never good at unless I gave up.
Maybe it's just me, but my luck was women only wanted me when I was too busy or having too much fun to go looking. I have a terrible poker face and if it seems like I'm looking for love then for whatever reason in my individual case it seems to be taken as a sign I don't deserve it. Of course if someone was offering, I might free up the time.
Not sure how common this is, but I've heard same from others.
The majority of people I know did not find their romantic partners that way. Sure, I know people who had success with online dating, but I know many more who ended up dating friends or better yet friends of friends. If you have a friend group with a healthy mix of gender+sexual orientations, and those people know other people, then you have a good shot at finding somebody you gel with. A friend invites you to their friends party and you spend some time talking to people. The more people you encounter with whom you have overlapping social circles, the more options you have for people to either befriend, flirt with, or both.
> but I know many more who ended up dating friends or better yet friends of friends
I know almost none such people. Do you see how anecdotes work? Almost everyone I know met their SOs either in college, via online dating or at work, and rarely at a sports group or through a common friend gathering.
>If you have a friend group with a healthy mix of gender+sexual orientations
So a friend group that isn't gender mixed is unhealthy? I think friend groups form (as adults) organically via matching interest and personalities, they're not guaranteed to be mixed gender, especially if you're a male into male dominated jobs and hobbies. What now? Do I kick out Bob from my friends group and tell him due to DEI requirements, his position needs to be filled by a female in order to achieve a "healthy mix"?
>those people know other people, then you have a good shot at finding somebody you gel with.
Just because people know people doesn't automatically mean more dates for you. A lot of those people might already be in relationships or just incompatible with you romantically or even socially. Not every new person you get to meet will want to be your date or even your friend.
You're underestimating how many things need to fall into place in order to meet your SO "from other people". It's a lot more luck than things you can control.
> A friend invites you to their friends party and you spend some time talking to people.
I think your PoV and advice in entirely skewed towards college/early 20's dating when everyone's single and throwing parties.
>potlucks, D&D sessions, going to the movies, book clubs, etc.
Also either male dominated activities or non existent in my area. Hence why dating apps and bars/clubs are popular.
> going to the movies
BTW, How are you meeting your potential date by going to the movies? Dunno about you but whenever I went to the movie people just watch the movies, not talking to others. How do you flirt there?
I don't like how dickish I sound in this thread but... they're not fish, they're people.
I've been married for a long time but I've seen enough of today's dating scene from the outside in and heard enough about it from people in it to think it really is worse than when I was dating in the 2000s. I think the reason is the normalization of this PUA meat market mentality, which has come in part from influencers pushing these ideas into the culture and in part from the nature of dating apps (especially Tinder) and how they encourage it.
There's always been a meat market aspect to dating of course, but we've turned it to eleven and taken away the human part entirely. On top of this we've slathered a layer of toxic gender stereotypes received by way of shitty grifter self help gurus.
I feel like my wedding was one of the last flights out of Saigon.
It's a figure of speech, not a literal meaning. If you can't make the distinguishment, then I'm sorry.
>I think the reason is the normalization of this PUA meat market mentality
What if the PUA mentality is the effect and not the cause? Simply look at the statistics on how harshly women rate men on tinder vs how men rate women, and it might sink in who the meat market really is
Not a good advice if your friends group are the same sex with you, which tends to be the case for a lot of people.
You gotta fish where the fish are.
Like, if you're unemployed and you want a job, you don't first go out making friends, hoping that once you become friends one of them can give you a job. You get a job by looking for a job and applying to jobs. Sure, depending on where you live and who you engage with you, might luck out and meet someone who can have a job for you but that's not the norm and you don't want to leave your survival to that random chance.
Similarly, if you want a romantic relationship you need to engage in dating activities specifically designed to maximize the protentional of meeting a romantic partner, not in friend making activities hoping one of them will be your next romantic partner because you might be wasting a lot of time with no returns.
Actually, I think the opposite is better: Engaging in dating activates can actually net you some friends along the way if the romantic part doesn't click.