But in all seriousness, I think I underestimated just how much cats rely on smell at all times. I noticed yesterday that this plushy polyester bed is still strongly smelling like plastic mixed with some random pet store odors. This is likely not helping.
I will laundry it at 60 degrees Celsius as recommended, sprinkle some of his cat hair around it and then see if he finally accepts it. At the moment he still prefers sleep on (multiple) electronic devices and on the floor in the hallway between rooms (attacking anyone passing by).