ESXi/Photon OS ships with curl. But it's a Linux, not sure that counts as a separate OS.

At least Python works. I tried running a go binary. Failed spectacularly.

What was funny is that the go binary was written as a better replacement for a Python tool (fortunately, most deployments were on civilian OSes.)

Compile with CGO_ENABLED=0

Ah, didn't know that. It was absent in one of the more recent versions. Sounds like they added it.

If you enable SSH, third-party binaries somewhat work but not really - is it even clear what version of Linux they're emulating?

I assume it's no longer real GPL Linux after all the lawsuits, right? ...right?