I don't think I consider myself a "great engineer", but I've gone through similar feelings and I see a few issues here.

I think the way we get into this industry is a doubled edged sword. A lot of us do this because we love computers and software. The upside of this is that it's easy to stay motivated and move up. A lot of us probably grew up as black sheep in our communities, and are now being handsomely rewarded for our efforts. It's very validating.

However, I think there is a dark side to this validation. Eventually, some of us begin to see our self worth in our output. On top of that, there's always pressure to learn new things, because if you're not keeping up then you may get left behind. This is easy enough in your early 20's when you're full of drive, but real life responsibilities pile up with age, and it gets harder and harder.

I can't say for sure if you fall into this category, but I know I did, and I realized two problems.

1. I saw my self worth in my career. In general, I needed external validation to feel happy. This is not sustainable because sometimes you're working on projects that you know are bullshit, and sometimes you screw up. If you ever bite off more than you can chew or get stuck on a project you know is stupid, it will burn you out.

2. I needed to turn off the computer. You say that you desperately need to get out of this rut, but the rut isn't the problem. The fact that you think you need to get out of it is the problem.

Turn off the computer. Stop coding for a few days outside of work. Go outside and don't bring your phone. If you are on public transport or something and you have the urge to check your phone, pull out a book instead and begin reading.

It may sound counterintuitive, but all of this is way more productive and inspiring than desperately trying to escape a rut that was created by your own mind prison. You need to unplug for a while. You are most likely burned out.

> But the rut isn't the problem. The fact that you think you need to get out of it is the problem.

This is an incredible insight in and of itself, thank you.

Make a change. Something significant enough to be noticeable.

Change your job. Change your relationship. Change the city where you live. Change your primary hobby. Change your friends. Go back to school or start a business. Go somewhere you've never been before, the further away the better.

You don't have to (and probably shouldn't) do all of these, but you should probably do at least one of them. And changing your job seems to be one of the more effective and easiest ones, in my experience, and may naturally facilitate a few other changes as well.

Also take a break before the change happens, if you can. Like tell a new job you'll be available to start two weeks after you quit the other job (don't word it like that, just say you'll be available to start like 4 weeks after accepting a job offer). You probably could use at least a couple of weeks, if not more, to not have to think about code.

There's an old Simpsons quote that pops into my head fairly often. The hippie parents of a young Ned Flanders can't figure out how to get his behavior under control and tell a therapist, "We've tried nothin', and we're all out of ideas".

It's actually a pretty common pattern to observe, where someone is really upset about an issue, but doesn't try anything to improve it. I think everyone falls into this trap at times, to varying degrees. Doing something about a problem, even if you aren't sure the best path, usually helps you feel better immediately and can often lead to a good solution sooner or later.

Original Scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkKwyjsJGxk

- O U T - O F - I D E A S -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHcqNVjGJN4

> Change your job. Change your relationship. Change the city where you live. Change your primary hobby. Change your friends. Go back to school or start a business. Go somewhere you've never been before, the further away the better.

Agreed. It worked for me, at least, when it came to job. I was feeling stuck in my last job. There was nothing to complain about but something didn't feel right. Switching job improved my mood 100%.

Just a fair warning, after initial excitement of new job dies down, you may get buyer's remorse and miss your old job a lot. It was comfortable, you knew what you needed to do, you had built up respect and reputation. Now you will need to start over; just work hard through this period until it passes. Soon excitement and energy will return to you and you will be glad that you switched your job.

I second those who write about quiting and moving as a potential "buyers remorse" situation or just as a not-solution.

I moved to a different country. Found a partner but the emotional heavyness is still in me.

I am slowly waking up to the fact that I need friends that can handle my emotional state and who will support me. But how to find them in a new country ...

You know, moving and changing is good(for some) but be careful with burning bridges.

Change your text editor. You're never too young to learn how to use Emacs.

You meant vim, right? I know, a common typo.

I went from vim to emacs and now I using them both on a daily basis. Really stuck, please help.

Matter, antimatter:

https://github.com/sei40kr/nvimacs

Ed, man! !man ed

> Change your job. Change your relationship. Change the city where you live. Change your primary hobby. Change your friends.

As much as I admire the sentiment here to change the surroundings that puts someone in the vicious cycle of negative thinking, most of these are impractical. Changing a job as easy as you say is a privilege most can't afford in my opinion.

Start with small changes, preferably ones you can walk back.

I was in a rut and in sessions with a therapist became convinced that it was all my wife's fault. Now I don't have a wife and there's no hope of going back. A nebulous rut related to not having enough purpose or socialization in life has been replaced by a deep depression and crippling loneliness.

Don't worry about the grass on the other side of the fence. Watering your own lawn is often better than moving on.

My advice on how to dig yourself out of a rut - Spend a week focusing on making your loved ones' lives as happy and easy as possible. Removing a stressor from someone else's life will make you feel better about your own stressors. Making someone smile on the outside will make you smile on the inside.

Sorry you're in that situation :(.

There's always risk when making big changes, and relationships are probably the toughest change to make, since it tends to be a permanent one, but for some people, it's also the one they need most.

Sounds like it wasn't in your case, but unfortunately it can be hard to know for certain until you make the change, which sucks. I do wish that sometimes I could set a savepoint like in video games, try something different for a while, then be able to go back to the checkpoint if I'm not happy with the change. I'm sure I'd make more changes in my own life if I had the ability to do that.

> Now I don't have a wife and there's no hope of going back.

I don't understand. It sounds like the situation vastly improved.

Holy moly. What does that therapist suggest doing now?

I don't think changing a job is easy. I hate the current tech interview gauntlet. I actually put off switching jobs for like 3 years at my previous company even when I really should have left in part to avoid going through that (also some other reasons, like having no office to force RTO during the pandemic).

But it did seem to be more effective and easier than some other options at getting me out of the rut I was in at the time. Also when I actually pulled the trigger and put myself out there on LinkedIn, it ended up being easier to find a new job than I thought, although in fairness that was also in 2021 when tech hiring was still white hot.

By change friends, I just mean start going to meetups and meet some new people, find a couple other people you might like hanging out with. They can introduce you to new experiences that way. I've been doing that myself recently. Went to a dinner meetup with 8 people I've never met before just last Friday night, and a meetup at an Oktoberfest meetup with mostly new faces the week before that. And went back to a book club meetup I hadn't gone to since before the pandemic the week before that (and read a book I'd been meaning to read for a long time for it).

Changing which hobby you focus on isn't that hard either, unless you're trying expensive hobbies, but even then there's usually cheap ways you can experience them, like take a few lessons, or watch Youtube videos about it. But for me this wouldn't be enough, I already bounce around from hobby to hobby anyway. For someone who had only had one main hobby focus for most of their life though, or doesn't really have any hobbies outside of work, this could be enough to get them out of a rut.

Again these are ideas for changes and I only suggested changing one of them, not all of them. Some changes will be more suitable for someone based on their current situation than others. And really it doesn't even have to be these, they were just ideas. The main message was just 'Change something significant enough that you'll notice it'.

Like changing your breakfast cereal is likely not enough to get yourself out of a rut in life. But working out three times a week for six months and you start feeling better and healthier? That could be enough.

agree. well said

we are all wired diff. adding 3 more - may or may not work for you but here we go:

1/ explore new ideas: read, go look at art in museum, play games. expose yourself to creative work of others 2/ read https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/01431... and do some of the exercises 3/ workout. if already doing it = ignore. if not = exercise. 5+ days/week

tldr/same as OP: take action

As a neuroscientist who struggles with my brain wellness and health, I’ve developed a checklist for my own self-assessments:

1. How is my sleep?

2. Am I limiting caffeine intake?

3. Anything else affecting my sleep? Room temperature? Lights? White noise? Eating too late? Alcohol?

Sleep is how the brain repairs damage caused by daily life. Not enough or poor quality means you will drag, not just over days, but weeks and months is exactly a downward spiral.

4. Checked my Vitamin D levels recently and supplementing with D3/K?

Circadian rhythms and cognition are poorly studied, but there’s good evidence on Vitamin D and mood and seasonal affective disorder.

5. Managing stress?

Too much stress affects key brain functions like learning, memory, and attention. Too little sleep leads to more stress.

6. Exercising enough?

Am I getting outside daily, going for walks or runs, etc.

7. Nutrition

Am I making good food choices that give me sustained energy or am I eating mindlessly?

The pandemic was the last piece on nutrition for me. I saw how one bad meal (e.g. burger and fries) affected me for 2 days.

> I saw how one bad meal (e.g. burger and fries) affected me for 2 days.

That sounds (almost literally) unbelievable to me. I've had periods of eating trash and periods of eating healthy home made food. It doesn't make any difference to how I feel.

(I understand people are different, I was just surprised how far from my experience this is).

How old are ya?

I’m 39.

I'm 52 and recovering from chicken wings I ate last Friday. Fiber, some gut-health tea, and my daily Activa should get me back to full recuperation within a few days. In the meantime, bidet has been a lifesaver.

I read this as "person, 35-ish, stuck in a rut" which is a situation so common that automakers engineer cars like the Mazda Miata specifically for people in it.

My stuck in a rut was even more cavalier. A KTM RC390 sportsbike. Mazda Miata doesnt cut it for me.

BMW F900XR. I did a 4-day (over 2 weekends) learn-to-ride course and it took so much physical and mental coordination that all I thought about on those 2 weekends was motorcycles and slept deep for 10 hours each night. Snapped me out of the usual routine for sure.

Now when I ride, everything is easy, relaxing. On my commute, I only pay attention to riding. No music, radio, or cellphone. The commute allows twice a day to recharge.

You are braver than I am. The F900 is a beast and I did try it at a shop once. But yea, motorcycle riding makes you so much more aware on the road. No distraction and you are literally paying more attention to ensure Cars can actually see you and don't kill you, lol.

I've heard many times from motorcyclists that "it saved my life" because of the mental break. Then from non-motorcyclists, "you're going to die!".

As someone who has owned 2 Miataii in their life, 100% agree. Current is a '91 NA in British racing green! When I'm getting hammered by the work / grind, I'll make sure I at least drive it to and from work for a few days -- still doing the thing I need to do (painter; partly seasonal type job with natural world time-frames... nearing soon!). Provides a bit of lark in the day and reminds me to stop stressing as much and to literally and figuratively enjoy the wind in my hair.

But regardless of "buy a car", put some effort into a thing you've always wanted to try to explore, no matter how "pointless" and explore it -- the point of life is to live it and we're all so willing to fall into our own filter bubble of life -- very realized at 'mid age' (41 here, really starting to appreciate birds and cars going slow by my house...)

Find YOU, no matter how unproductive financially / whatever metric that may be!

Can you elaborate on that? Sounds interesting.

I’m exactly 35 and in the same situation as the OP.

He was making a joke.

> I read this as "person, 35-ish, stuck in a rut" which is a situation so common that automakers engineer cars like the Mazda Miata specifically for people in it.

This refers to people going through a "mid life crisis" who end up buying a Mazda Miata convertible to drive around town in an effort to look young, cool, stylish, etc.

Goodness, I totally misread the post lol. I somehow read it as “Mazda has a process to help their engineers deal with that.”

Presumably, some of the engineers going through midlife crisis can buy the cars they work on. :D

The stereotype is small, under-powered sportscars are sold to to men having a "mid-life crisis."

Miata in my 30’s checking in. About to head off on a 3 month road trip + camping to get over this

About 9 years ago now, I worked through The Artists Way - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Artist's_Way - highly recommended.

Friends of mine have said they found their new business on the other side of TAW.

TAW gave me means to foster and maintaining a mental environment for creativity and delight to emerge. And just for that I highly recommend it.

TAW is great for identifying underlying creative blockers and helping you discover if the current rut is the same rut repeated or something new.

A caveat: some people interpret the words 'artist' and 'god' in the book pretty narrowly and get stuck. I've personally pretty wide interpretation of those words and hold them loosely.

i was in a similar spot. did not want to do anything, i felt useless, it was terrible and like i was in the bottom of a hole with no way out. i found myself in tears often. i tried exercising (i run everyday) and being more active but it was still not clicking.

after much deliberation, i talked to my doctor and i got on antidepressants, SSRI's. i did not want to take them but i was willing to try anything because i could imagine ending my life, something that was profound and pretty eye opening when i discussed it with a third party.

i took them for 6 months and weaned off of them once i noticed they had gripped my personality in a weird way and were starting to turn me into a different being: someone who didn't want to end their life, but someone who was finding very little pleasure in life.

maybe try LSD, it works wonders when you want to change your mind, but you have to respect it and work with a therapist/sitter who can help guide you. its amazing what your mind can do.

someone told me if i could make it through my rut, then i could emerge on the other side, stronger than ever. they were right. in and through, it's the only way. put on a kettle and make some tea for your depression, sit down with it and talk to it, understand it, don't force it out. in and through. it's the only way. you can do it. don't give up.

Been there and there is no easy answer. Personally, I’ve tried switching jobs, doing new hobbies on a side but it was not enough. I’ve burned out much deeper than 1-month vacation or a new job, doing essentially the same, could fix. In the end, my whole life needed changing. Now I’ve cut my costs a lot, work a lot more on my own projects, take on freelance work, and spend A LOT of time doing other shit that I want to do. It feels crazily unproductive at times and I’m missing out on a lot of money and career improvements. But I feel fucking alive.

I think to get out of the rut, you actually need to do significant changes that feel scary but those are the only ones that will shake you and get you out of the rut. It’s actually really simple but also not easy. In a sense, we crave for that rut and familiarity of what the next day brings but that’s also what kills us. Need to shake up things periodically, try to discover other parts of yourself you didn’t know or forgot about. That will do the job.

Gosh it is so hard. I think I’m a few years from doing the same. Earning good money right now, can’t wait to cut it at back. But lifestyle inflation is real. Or at least my mortgage payment is as real as it ever was. And now family is growing one at a time and all of them depend on my income exclusively (not that I mind, but it does add gravity when I feel like quitting it all). It is quite a trap.

I just started a month-long leave from work for...exactly this reason, to the same year. Grinding it out for over a decade without stopping for even a full week of vacation catches up to you eventually.

In general, I think this is a good idea. For me, I recently took a 6 week long sabbatical (our company offers that after you've been there a number of years).

I was hoping to feel recharged and energized after, but for me, it didn't help. Mostly due to having to deal with some mental health stuff with one of our kiddos. It's been exhausting.

Hang in there. I’ve had the same challenge. Take some time off and burn through any energy accumulated taking care family in just a few days.

Best I’ve found is to try and keep things at a slow burn. You’ll never really relax but you can try to reduce the stress peaks.

When I was younger, I told the white, curlyhaird old man who managed the helpdesk that I had some crazy amount of leave banked. He said "You're stupid, and leaving money on the table. They're paying you and you're not taking that money"

25 years later I use every bit of my PTO...every year. I'm in a much better mental state.

If your office says they can't run without you, tell them you can go away for a week at a time occasionally, or you could get hit by a car and be gone forever...shouldn't their process have a little resilience?

Accrued PTO gets paid out when you leave, though. It's basically guaranteed severance if you're not using it.

Just be wary of hitting a cap because then new PTO gets straight up _deleted_ with no recourse (had this happen to a report of mine).

But then it's not used when/if you need it.

"I've been working here 40 year and never took a day off!"

Is not the flex you think it is.

>But then it's not used when/if you need it.

I mean, use PTO if you need it. That's what it's there for, but you don't lose it if you don't use it (unless you hit a cap like I mentioned). The old dude you talked to was wrong when he said "you're not taking that money". You lose nothing by hoarding PTO (unless you hit the cap) since it gets paid out if you resign or get fired.

>"I've been working here 40 year and never took a day off!" >Is not the flex you think it is.

Who said this or implied this?

Recognizing that you are in a rut is a start. You’re already there.

Some time ago I realized that there is a long-term rhythm and cadence to my life. The ruts are part of that. I learned to look for signs that show that I am getting into a rut, or out of one.

I do things to help myself get out of a rut. At the same time I realize that this is not fully under my control. I give myself room, and am patient.

First thing I do is look for objective causes. Often these are things that are out of my control. Health issues of family and friends. Political situation. War. Others are more under my control. These are usually the basics: diet, sleep, exercise, and social connection.

I try to affect the things under my control. It takes significant effort, but it usually helps.

For the things I can not control I make sure to notice when the issues pass. I make a concrete mental note to no longer let it affect me, since the thing changed. And also, I try to accept the things I can’t change, recognizing that they will affect me nonetheless. This also seems to help.

No silver bullets. Key thing is to make sure the rut does not become self-reinforcing. Self-love and acceptance are a part of this.

Good luck on your journey.

It's hard to say without really knowing your situation, but it sounds like the problem may be somewhere other than with the actual work. Has anything else changed in your life in the past few months? There maybe be something you've been avoiding dealing with. Also pay attention to your diet and exercise. Taking care of yourself will make you feel better. Do yoga. Good luck <3

Yes. If you aren't exercising, try it. It can make a surprising difference.

If you're looking for a way to start exercising but don't know where to start:

Find a local spin class. (In-person group class, not a peloton)

I've found spin classes to be an amazing way to go from "not in shape at all" to "in really good shape" without needing to come up with a complicated exercise routine. Spin classes are extremely welcoming to anyone of all fitness levels. Extremely low impact.

The main reason I like spin classes is the energy of the class. You're in a room with a bunch of people, usually with the lights down low, with upbeat music playing loudly. Since you ride to the beat of the music, I often end up sliding into a "flow" state which makes the time fly by.

2nd reason spin classes are great for getting in shape is there's a lot less next-day soreness to deal with compared to starting a more traditional workout routine.

Imo it can improve one's overall well being without improving productivity or making boring stuff less boring. Still helps with the "stuck in a rut" feeling if one is content with average productivity.

It can change your mood, which effects how you respond to the other parts of your life.

And sleeping. Really sleeping enough, every day.

Been in a rut and burned out. Here's what has been helping

1. Exercise, keeps my energy up.

2. Wake up at the same time (helps me fall asleep at night)

3. Make a plan the night before for 1 thing I want to accomplish the next day.

I also found the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns MD helpful. He has several ways to retrain your inner voice to recognize when you're self sabotaging.

What are your thoughts about going into management? Even if your first response is to recoil, consider if the change of pace may help shift your perspective on your career. In my experience some the best managers are engineers who don't want to be managers, and you can always go back if it's not for you.

It's hard to give advice without more info about your life situation.

Overall, I'd suggest talking with a psychiatrist and psychologist. Get screened for depression and other possible mental issues that may cause this.

If everything else in life is amazing, maybe you're starting to burnout. Can you take a few weeks off?

Spend the next year making work the least significant thing in your life.

Do a good but not great job at work, and instead focus on doing things like travel or finding a girlfriend/boyfriend if you don't have one. Work out once a day, visit friends in other cities, go on a road trip, etc.

I've been in this rut for a while.

For me? the solution was getting GPT-4 to start all my code, it's solved my "slow/cold start" problem.

Once I have the initial code generated for my problem, editing it has proven to be far more effective for me to continue being productive.

I quit my job and took 6 months off to get out of my last rut. I think this is something I will start doing every 5 years or so. I thought I would always hate working, but the long break is exactly what I needed

May be harder depending on the economic situation, I found a job within a few weeks of looking (2 years ago). If you've been at a company for a while, they may offer extended unpaid leave so you don't have to re-interview

I don't know what it says about me (maybe that I'm a people pleaser) but I've had motivational ruts in the past be completely unblocked just by someone for whom I have some regard asking me for help. They say "can you make a tool that does X" and all of a sudden I'm deeply motivated, working for days or even weeks like I'm obsessed. Once sufficient motivation occurs, in my experience the creativity and productivity parts just tend to follow. It's not an unpleasant experience, but kind of a weird mechanism. I wish I could harness that to do stuff for myself, but that seems to be much harder.

One of the techniques for escaping a rut is scoring a goal. Achieve something. Say "I made this!". Solving someone else's problem is a perfect opportunity to score.

Thanks for your honesty and vulnerable post.

I have no answer but am in a similar situation. Though not as an engenier but as a former professional in the business world.

For what it is worth my experience is that these things has to be taken serious.

I ended up jobless, single and isolated before I realized how deep a hole I was in was. I could not allow myself to take the chance it was to quit or similar responsible action and stayed in it till I was very ill.

So my advice is to keep reaching out to people who will listen to your feelings about this. Someone who takes you seriously!

Best wishes

It's time for a change. It's scary, but don't be scared. If there's anything else you have ever wanted to try, now is the time to do so. The rut at work is not going to fix itself and doing nothing will only make it worse. Don't wait for your colleagues to notice. Take time off and sit with your thoughts and feelings, the answer will come.

Hi inarut2023,

Recently got out of my rut and just want to share a quick and short advice: change your pace. Do something different. You could go on a vacation or join a hackathon. The whole point here is that new changes, even if ever so slight, can help inspire us in a different way. Hopefully you'll find back your fire soon, and stay in a rut only for 2023, no longer.

Cheers, a fellow dev excited for Mondays

Here's what gets me out of ruts / pits of despair.

1. Figure out your goals / objectives / musts / things you want and write them down (1-3 things).

2. Write down things that you dislike about your current situation (environment? job? a teammate? a spouse? whatever).

3. Write down tasks you can do starting today to begin chipping away at #2 and lead you closer to something from #1.

Once you have clarity, you just need to execute.

Are you doing repetitive work? Can you take a step back and ask how you could automate or make mundane tasks take less time?

I often get exhausted when I know it takes 20 minutes of busy work (manual testing, spinning up environment, opening IDE, updating tickets, etc) to commit a single line of code. Don't try to power through this or you'll burn out eventually. Try to optimize time for tasks you enjoy.

This used to happen to me regularly and I couldn’t figure out why and then it turned out that I have bipolar disorder so that was fun

I have found this book and doing affirmations (including ones of my own design) as helpful https://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Heal-Your-Life/dp/0937611018.

I'll add that you might go to a doctor to get various levels checked. Thyroid levels can cause something similar. You might just rule that out first.

Otherwise, post pandemic I was in a similar situation. Some combination of time off, reduced load (stress), more sleep, more exercise, better nutrition all finally added up to getting me out. Good luck.

One option is to chase your curiosity. What do you find interesting? Not what do you think is useful or monetizable or responsible or whatever else. Find at least one thing you find interesting and do that thing for no other reason than for its own sake.

Sounds like burnout. Take a vacation!

Find something, anything, to get excited by. Hopefully tech related, but maybe not.

Has worked for me multiple times.

I usually either start a new hobby or go back to one I haven't worked on in a while. I find that eventually my interest in coding returns and I slowly ease back in. Doing this I find it preserves enough drive to still be good at my day job.

I've seen somewhere that "motivation" is meaningless, instead it's all about (self) discipline.

For example if you don't like running or cycling, but you have to do it daily, then you'll end up liking it (be "motivated")

You are clearly overworked. Your brain activates defenses to get you away from work so it can heal itself. Slow down and look for a professional that can prescribe you with medication that can accelerate the healing process.

I got laid off from a job and did some consulting on the side for a few months. The break helped my creativity tremendously

Take a vacation or pick up a new hobby or organized sporting activity.

You're not alone in this!

Could it be that you're not able to relate to how whatever you're doing actually matters? If so, I'd say speaking to a few would-be users might help.

Make games. Join hackathons. Teach the youth (this is a nice lifehack to feel like a 10x).

Do whatever it was that made you excited to start about this profession in the first place.

Have you seen a professional about these feelings?

A lot of the advice here has been good.

But here's another one. Lower the stakes. Take some easier tasks. Try and reduce the stress of the job.

* Holiday

* LSD

* Do another job for a while

What if you did all 3 and now love life too much to work (but somehow need to make $)

Suffer. (unfortunately)

your values change as you age, so if you're repeating the same old activities and feeling drained - it's time for change

recall the excitement you had as a child, as a teenager, a young adult - this will yield clues as to what might spark your energy again

as others have mentioned, movement and exercise are simple hacks to improve mood quickly

Don't the folks around you that you work with inspire you? Either folk smarter than you or those you mentor?

change.. things.. drasticaly.. but NOT everything. e.g. Move continents but keep friends. Give away most things.. or time - start mentoring someone for the fun of it ONLY. Throw away all everyday "pills" you intake (caffeine, youtube, you-name-it).

see how it goes... then decide further.

(watch Sacrifice by Tarkovsky)

and... have.fun.

How often do you do sports? You've got to start moving!

Same here, push push push.

Jeez, some of the comments here are somewhat disturbing. At this point I'm beginning to wonder: is anyone actually OK?

On HN these kind of askHN topics tend to get a lot of "shooting from the hip" comments because so many people recognize the feeling, know how bad it is, and genuinely want to help by describing what worked for them previously. People who don't recognize the situation will simply not comment. So yes, most people are OK.

No, none of us are okay. The "push harder" comments are either from workaholics or younger folks with more hope for the world.

I'm 37, never figured out an exit plan from a dead-end tech career (QA & test automation), and may be facing homelessness in the near future.

No, and that's ok.

Pushing is what most likely burned them out in the first place.

Do you have a kid?

Hah. Oh, man.

I've been struggling with work a lot lately and I think kid issues are a huge part of it. We've been having some serious behavior problems with our 7 y/o and it's taken A LOT of mental energy (and lots of actual time doing research, calling doctors, etc) to deal with.

I've been burnt out, tired, and just have no desires or interests lately and it's because all of my and my partner's energy is spent dealing with this.

Me too!

Good luck and hold on. I hope you find a solution soon.

I have a kid. I love him dearly but it has completely killed my will to do most things. It just sucks so much time out of our life. Add that to some medical problems I have been having and it’s misery.

I used to enjoy hacking around in the evening, checking out new tech, rooting and flashing phones, overclocking computers, etc, however, now I literally don’t feel like doing anything.

Kids are hard.

I'm exactly in the same boat although my work contributes to half of the depression. Unfortunately neither can I afford or want to remove from my life so I have to hang on.

Mid life is basically a 20-year hang-on until one's kids and work leave one so one feels a lot better.

Good luck and hang on there!

Take a vacation

I can relate sometimes. Doing what you're doing, but harder doesn't seem to help.

Some things that help / helped me:

1. Some serious self-reflection about what the problem is: What are the things you do vs don't enjoy about your job? Do you really like what you're doing or are you doing it because of money, goals you set for yourself / you think this is the most prestigious type of company / problem / etc? Is the problem with yourself or the people you work with? Have you ever been happy at work before (at any job you had) and what was different about that? Or perhaps are you not sure about what you actually enjoy? Or are you just tired?

2. More self-reflection about what work means to you as a person and why: Is your job also your passion? Are you proud of your technical achievements? Do you have daily work hours or do the boundaries blur? Do you put in more work / care more about things than others (e.g. code quality, arguing for the right technical decision)? Do you feel especially good when people tell you you did a great job or somehow acknowledge that you're smart? Do you feel disappointed, unappreciated or like there's something wrong with you if you fail to get this kind of feedback? Not saying this is always the case, but for me they're warning signs for a type of relationship with work that's prone to burnout sooner or later. Maybe talk to a therapist about this kind of thing to help you sort out your stance on this, or just generally about a downward spiral in mood.

3. A big break - unfortunately not everyone can afford this but I'm assuming an engineer with a decade of work experience like you probably can. Go do something else for a while. Definitely a month. Maybe a year: e.g. take a job that's not the most technically or personally challenging but will give you other things: more work-life balance, meet interesting people you wouldn't, will expose you to different subjects you like, give you more freedom with your approach, let you play more. For example, I worked at an academic research center for a few years and it was not without its own challenges but overall broadened my horizons a lot. This isn't going to fix your problems in the long term but maybe you'll realize truly how things can be different - the benefit of perspective.

4. Some small "daily life" changes (obviously huge caveats here about lots of people not being able to afford / allowed to do this stuff but again software engineers usually have this kind of nice privilege, so why not take advantage): Some example ideas: Try to do less things at once, maybe work on one thing at a time even. Work on something with someone you like. Take 5-6 Fridays or Wednesday afternoons off in a row: just see how lessening the load a bit or breaking up the work helps. Enforce a hard-cutoff deadline in the evening. etc.

Now, to actually follow my own advice ...

Shrooms