> Deciding what to eat for dinner with guess-culture people isn’t as simple as asking people what they want to eat for dinner, because they will not tell you what they actually want to want to eat for dinner. They will say “oh, whatever you want,” or “whatever is easiest.” And when you insist that you really really want to know what they want to eat for dinner, and if it’s too much work, you’ll do something else instead, the response you receive will already be a compromised version of what they want, taking into account the preferences of everyone else in the house, what the kids will eat, and the leftovers in the fridge.
Man, people are so bad at communicating.
I have found that a lot of communication from americans includes hidden unsaid statements, which are frequently expected by the speaker to be automatically inferred by the listener.
Alternately, plain speaking is heard by the american listener to imply things that may not be intended at all.
It's somewhat baffling to me, so much so that I wrote a whole article about it.
Really interesting to see the other side - I wonder if sometimes the perception of 'high context' vs 'low context' is really just 'not my familiar context' vs 'my familiar context'.
> Excuse me, ma’am. It seems to me that you’re in a hurry. I don’t know how long this line will take, however, I am reasonably certain that it will take the same amount of time for you to reach the head of it whether you stand 5, 1, or zero meters away from my bag, so I must request that you please stop touching it.
This does seem a bit aggro though, a friendlier way could've been to assume that she wasn't aware of the bumping and so wasn't doing it on purpose. In the US if there's a gap in a line and folks aren't closing it, that itself can be seen as rude and not paying attention (whether it makes sense or not is another matter). My personal guess is it comes from being stopped at green lights where cars in front stay parked and then you end up catching the red.
Speaking as an American the bit that seems over the top is the ""5, 1, or 0 meters" bit. It comes off as condescending. At least from another American. I've known a few Germans and this sort of comment seems much more acceptable to them. I think it's seen as "this is my reasoning, with it you can better evaluate the validity of my request".
Simply saying "please stop touching my luggage" is what I would expect. Adding any reasoning or explanation increases the emotional stakes and gives more places for people to infer subtext.
I appreciate the directness of simply backing your request with clear assertions as to why it is reasonable. Despite this, it does feel a bit odd to hear.
I don't mean to say anything about you, but, as a saying with a different word in it goes, if you meet one person who's bad at communicating, then they're bad at communicating; but if everyone you meet is bad at communicating ….
(I also wish people would communicate more clearly, but I have to admit that what I really want is that people would communicate in the way that's easy for me—I am not operating from some absolute, logical standard. I also may be coming from an unusual perspective because, as an academic, a lot of my colleagues were not born in the US, so that cultural backgrounds, and also the sometime preference in the sciences for speaking that is direct to the point of abruptness, may mean that I don't see the worst of what you do.)
> I don't mean to say anything about you, but, as a saying with a different word in it goes, if you meet one person who's bad at communicating, then they're bad at communicating; but if everyone you meet is bad at communicating ….
Someone told him whenever someone makes a point, he seems to react to a very specific, narrow, and marginal interpretation of that point. And he reacted to a very specific, narrow, and marginal interpretation of that point.
Man, people are so bad at communicating.
I have found that a lot of communication from americans includes hidden unsaid statements, which are frequently expected by the speaker to be automatically inferred by the listener.
Alternately, plain speaking is heard by the american listener to imply things that may not be intended at all.
It's somewhat baffling to me, so much so that I wrote a whole article about it.
https://sneak.berlin/20191201/american-communication/