I’m sad to say that I had never heard of her, but it sounds like she was influential and made her mark and had a way with words. One thing that struck me is how she was suffering from depression for years and committed suicide, leaving her partner and children behind. I’ve only met one other person who was facing this kind of scenario and it has left me endlessly questioning how they could do this and if there is a known etiology that could lead to such decisions like this, such as the much talked about and popularized parasitic fungus that hijacks insect brains and causes them to kill themselves.
I've dealt with many folks like this. Some have found treatment and support, and others have Gone And Done It.
When we reach that point, it's pretty much impossible to escape the singularity of self-centeredness, and we sometimes delude ourselves into thinking that "we're doing them a favor, because they are better off without us."
I have never encountered anyone close to someone that has killed themselves, that has ever thought they were "better off" without their friend/partner/parent/child.
It's completely devastating, and often triggers a corrosion of families and communities.
My heart breaks for her, and for those she left behind.
I can only imagine that struggling daily, the burden feels overwhelming. We're an evolved, tuned and balanced creature and out-of-kilter can be tough to regain composure. Especially when alcoholism is in the mix, people in this situation can become somewhat distanced from family (and children) and feel they are a risk/weight? It is a rough combination, and it's unlikely to be abrupt but something that builds over years. An in-law took her life late last year, leaving her young children behind with her estranged partner and family. In the years prior, it felt very difficult to support or address a combination of alcohol and depression.
Imagine how must pain they must be in to act in this way, to dismiss or not realize how much harm they will cause.
Imagine how much pain they must be in to demonstrate such extreme selfishness. To behave in a way that seems so out of character, so different from how they'd treated their loved ones prior to that act.
And consider how selfless they must have been to have held off as long as they did. To have endured the immense pain and struggled to resist the escape of suicide, until that time when they were finally overcome and capitulated.
Beautifully put. To add to that, they need to win against the darkness every time. The darkness only needs to win once.
I lost my brother in law to suicide. He left behind three young children and the harm he caused to his family is immense. He was also one of the more motivated men I have met and a devoted father. For this to make any sense I either have to conceive of a completely altered state of mind, or a pain and struggle that I can't imagine.
Hi. This is a common but incorrect opinion, so you're going to get down voted. You are using your frame of reference to imagine how somebody with severe mental health difficulties was thinking at the worst time of their life. Empathy is trying to understand the feelings of another based on their life situation and who they are, not your own.
Another way to look at this is that their brains are so broken chemically that they actually believe the world, including their family, is better off without them.
I just want to underscore your response to the parent.
For most of my life I've prided myself on my psychological resilience. But a while back I experienced a brief period where all the mindfulness, CBT, journaling, exercise, therapy, what-have-you were powerless to combat what was going on in my head. I got lucky and eventually it seemed to just pass. Who knows if it will rear its head again.
The whole episode increased my empathy for people like Heather.
I guess there could be multiple things going on then, one is irrationality (like what you mentioned) and the other is self-centered behavior. I am guessing it could also result from loneliness or not having good relationships with people.
Nobody disputes that they have a troubled mind and are feeling various forms of depression or pain, but that doesn’t necessitate ending their life.
Just more broadly speaking, any animal that opts to kill itself has a severe mental issue. It just doesn’t make sense from an evolutionary psychology point of view. The priority should be in seeking treatment. But I don’t expect irrational/self-centered/depressed people to all reach this conclusion.
Edit: I also personally have had a very troubled mind from time to time. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2009, but went off meds on my own will a couple years after (not sure whether it was an accurate diagnosis). I now am happily married and expecting our first child. But I can relate a bit to these sorts of feelings.
In the end your mind is just your mind, thoughts are just in your head, and you can have a happier life once you realize this. You don’t have to identify with what goes on in your head. It’s like a radio channel that won’t turn off but you don’t have to give too much importance to negativity.
You are confused about depression. They are suffering and they want it to end. Would you be this judgemental if someone was experiencing continual, debilitating gut pain day in and day out for years where nothing worked to relieve it?
After about 24 hours of serious pain everyone is thinking suicide. Your existence becomes pain. No fun projects, no relationships, no hobbies, nothing but pain and pain management. Everything else sinks below the surface and disappears.
