> if someone on here has a stolen book they want to gift me, I'll accept it with no shame or guilt.

Knowingly accepting stolen property is both unethical and illegal.

This isn’t an unexplored ethical frontier; I appreciate the offer for further discussion, but I don’t think there’s anything novel either of us can contribute on the subject.

> but for what it's worth, my emotional frame towards what she did is gratitude.

Sounds to me like the basic conflict here is the OP holds to expressive individualism of the sort historian Carl Trueman describes in his book, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self [0]; while the commenter appears to believe that moral/ethical reality exists external to human persons, thus stealing and being an accessory to theft are wrong, regardless of one's emotional frame.

Thats interesting, are you saying there are serious people who claim that the wrongness of theft depends on the emotional frame (and havent been paid by russia over the last decades with the intention to subvert western society?)