I've read a ton of clever, whimsical (usually highly critical) reviews. The reviews are full of examples of fine twists on the employment of the English language.
That said, I don't pay much attention to them usually. It's pretty easy to judge music simply by listening to it but at least the combined percentages can give you a good idea of which album to start with for a given band.
I feel the same way, a lot of the time I'll have a browse at reviews to get a bit of context on an album, and at some level pay more attention to the aggregate review score than I do individual ones. However I will admit that occasionally a review sticks with me, the most recent example being Within Destruction's Yokai, I believe the term used was "Weeb Core" and I now refer to a lot of deathcore bands that have added cringe levels of Japanese influence or trap beats as weeb core.
That said, I don't pay much attention to them usually. It's pretty easy to judge music simply by listening to it but at least the combined percentages can give you a good idea of which album to start with for a given band.