I hope people don’t downvote your comment. I seriously contemplated suicide in the past multiple times, following an ocd diagnosis and a severe depression episode, and the one time I was closer to it I decided that I might as well try self medication with drugs. Better escaping reality with drugs than be dead, right?

Of course, it is a dangerous strategy and a recipe for addiction, but as you said, if you have nothing else to loose, it might be an option.

Fast forward 6 months, I don’t have any suicidal thoughts anymore, I got a job that I’m capable of keeping, and I recently started therapy since now I have a job to pay for it. I’m pretty cautious about my drug supplier, I’ve got two very close friends that monitor me to look for (physical) addiction red flags, and I try to be as safe as possible during consumption. Yes, I psychologically need drugs to function, but at least I function, and I’m not dead, and I consider that an achievement.

If anyone reading is contemplating the same solution, please do your own research and ALWAYS test your drugs. P.s.: as a general rule, I suggest avoiding opioids.

Yes, I've started using illegal, what many consider "heavy" drugs just this year and it is changing the absolute trainwreck of a life I've had.

I only regret putting it off for so long because y'know, drugs are bad mmmkay.

I'll say that managing addiction is pretty hard, I seem to be able to do it even after falling into binges a couple of times (which is really dangerous).

I cannot stress enough that you need to have personal responsibility and really understand it.

But, when your only other option seems to be suicide (which I failed at, too), why not.