What do you think I'm talking about?

That didn't stop them getting sued. Up to certain amounts Paypal/any US processor, whill automatically forfeit in small claims court.

So what OP could do is sue Stripe in their civil small claims court and Stripe won't bother sending a lawyer out as doing so would be expensive.

Up to about $10k this should be possible. I've had many success by taking shady companies that screwed me to small claims and won by simply counting on them not showing up.

Do those successes include getting paid?

At least paypal has a customer service number you can call to get in touch with a real person. Not that they are much better as a company.