Don’t be discouraged. You appear to be a very goal-oriented systematic person, maybe lacking some reflective skills but what do I know. But life is not systemic and goal-oriented. You kinda can’t force it. The differential equations underlying the complex tangle of feedback that we call society care little about what you want or need. So maybe just let things happen and try to enjoy whatever is happening? I’m not saying letting yourself go or giving up but rather accepting the world does not follow a checklist and neither does it do what you want. Besides, seeing someone, by your description, perfect, with a laser-like focus on something would be quite terrifying. I’m not perfect, I don’t have that sort of focus and I would not even know how to start with trying to keep up with you.