This sounds like a major depressive episode. A very experienced psychologist recently told me that even folks with no hint of mental health trouble started having a hard time with motivation and mood in the pandemic, but many with existing tendencies towards depressive states were plunged straight into oblivion. Talk therapy and medication can be a big help, but CBT exercises can also help if you're against using medication and can't imagine going into a deep dive about your feelings with a therapist. Even if it's not depression, this poster should talk to a psychologist. They're not able to right the ship themselves which doesn't bode well for it improving on its own. Finding a therapist sucks but telemedicine is more accessible than ever at this point.
As an aside— folks love dismissing mental health concerns by saying things like "everybody has a hard time getting motivated." That completely ignores the scope of the problem— it's no different from telling someone their motorcycle accident is no big deal because kids fall off their bikes all the time. There's a boatload of peer reviewed research out there that discusses the debilitating effects of depression. Go read it if you're skeptical— I'm not your research assistant.
Be warned, folks! Depression is not about sadness, but about not being able to do things.
If you are feeling incapable of doing things, like physically siting in front of the computer and not being able to do any work, you are probably depressed.
Sometimes you'll sit in front of the computer, try to start some task but somehow end opening hackeer news, digg, youtube.
Seek help as soon as possible, do not wait until you are fired.
> Sometimes you'll sit in front of the computer, try to start some task but somehow end opening hackeer news, digg, youtube.
I have to strongly disagree.
If that kind of behavior gets out of control it sounds like typical adhd. One still wants to do stuff but unable to get oneself into actually doing it.
Depression IMO is when one starts losing motivation and ability to derive pleasure from activities that were normally pleasant.
What about "Depression" is a sign that something deep down is shifting or needs changing. After introspection, my loss of motivation is a lot of the times me knowing that I want to work on problems that I dare worthwhile for the future of humanity and earth like climate change, environmental work, planting trees and social work..., and being obliged to not work in that triggers the lack of motivation unless obliged by survival. I am very skeptical of medication to solve these kind of issues.
'Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.'
I think that the issue of deriving meaning from one's work (and life) is as old as humanity.
It looks to me also that there's a bit of idealization going on on your side. In any case you'll work with other people and I bet you won't feel too good if you'll be doing env. work with total assholes. So I would also look at that angle -- being among people you like/appreciate and who reciprocate also kind of eases that existential thing (IMO).
Now I am working in the field and organization which definitely are worthwhile / good cause (imo). But it comes at a price, I wouldn't mind to work in a less meaningful place (subjectively) for a few years with a significantly higher comp.
Also good cause is a motivator but the not the most immediate one. Used to work in a slightly dysfunctional company but my responsibilities were (mostly) so well defined and managed day-to-day that just getting stuff done was satisfying.
It's not that cut and dried. Comorbidity of ADHD and serious depression or anxiety is something like 80%. Depression also affects your ability to focus. Either way, you should get help if it's negatively impacting your life in ways serious enough that you've made concerted efforts to stop. That's especially true if you haven't been able to improve it yourself.
Besides the obvious (pay a doctor to do real diagnostic tests), how can you differentiate between depression causing the inability to do work and ADD dragging you straight to Reddit?
Also burnout. Burnout shares a lot with depression though (and may even basically be a type of depression), but with the difference that it can usually be fixed with sufficient rest and holidays and lifestyle changes.
I highly recommend "Feeling Great" by Dr. David Burns. He's very data-driven and passionate about helping people improve their thought processes and therefore feelings. I've been seeing a therapist associated with his work and it's been very helpful at uncovering many deep-seated issues of perfectionism that have led me to distressing anxiety lately. I sympathize with OP even though I've tripled my salary since the start of the pandemic by climbing the corporate ladder. But I'm constantly feeling like I'm not doing enough or feeling amazing enough. This therapy has taught me to see the value in my perfectionism, but also why I may want to tone it down a little bit.
As an aside— folks love dismissing mental health concerns by saying things like "everybody has a hard time getting motivated." That completely ignores the scope of the problem— it's no different from telling someone their motorcycle accident is no big deal because kids fall off their bikes all the time. There's a boatload of peer reviewed research out there that discusses the debilitating effects of depression. Go read it if you're skeptical— I'm not your research assistant.