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The Most Shameful RPG Dice (2009) (toplessrobot.com)
122 points by ohjeez on May 3, 2022 | hide | past | favorite | 104 comments



> The D1000

> This is also insane. Really, the justification for doing this is for very large probability tables.

That’s indeed crazy. As every Hackmaster [0] player knows, you need a D10,000 to roll for critical hit locations [1]. The severity range goes up to 24 btw. And there is a table for hacking, crunching and puncturing weapons each. Followed by 4 pages of skeletons, muscle structures and organs of a human to explain where all those locations are, exactly.

But what am I saying, maybe you rolled a fumble or mishap, in that case you do indeed need your d1,000 [2].

FWIW, this is a D&D 1st ed based game that has multiple possibilities of dying during character creation ;)

[0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HackMaster

[1]: https://i.imgur.com/FIljuga.png

[2]: https://i.imgur.com/13xVopQ.png


We always used scientific notation. A red die was always used to represent the exponent, a white die for the mantissa.

(Sorry, that was just a joke.)


It is good to see that DSA, Das Schwarze Auge or The Dark Eye, isn't the most complex system with rolling talents with three D20 against three attributes. Except for talent, which replaces the 3D20 with a single D20 against an average of attributes, different ones for attacks and parries or ranged attacks, and then compares the margins of success between rolls. Don't ask how magic works, I never figured that one out so I stuck with fighting characters.


DSA. Hated pretty much everything about it (both 3rd and 4th edition at least). From the rules to the setting (though I did enjoy the video games).

> Don't ask how magic works, I never figured that one out so I stuck with fighting characters.

I was playing a mage. I was also the only one who understood how magic worked. The only time I did something useful was the day I was sick, and they had my character use a quarterstaff to bash someone on their head -.-


4th Edition isn't too bad, besides needing a BA degree for the basic rules and a Masters for magic. Not that I ever cared about magic. The setting is nice, as are some of the non-mainstream medieval cultures. It took dive, IMHO, with the start of 5th edition.

Being the only one who gets the magic rules, playing a mage, should be quite power gamer move!

EDIT: The most useful spells I ever encountered were those forcing NPCs to do what you want, burn NPCs or make someone super fast.


> 4th Edition isn't too bad, besides needing a BA degree for the basic rules and a Masters for magic.

Which is a requirement that should rather trivially be fulfilled by the HN audience. :-)


I think you need a degree /in/ the game system.


That! I consider myself holding a Bachelor's degree in the 4th edition combat rules and having dropped out of my masters in the sub-set of rapier-and-dagger fighting rules. I never really started to study un-armed or mounted combat. I do own copies of the, what fell, like 300 pages of magic and clerical rules. Never understood those.

I think there was a time in my life when I had too much time it seems, as this was also my active kickboxing period with regular tournaments. Wouldn't miss those times!


I've got to ask, does this sort of thing actually create interesting gameplay decisions?

Does gameplay actually end up feeling fun in practice?

Are the tables interesting themselves to lookup or is that just "the bad bit"?

Do you as a player, or anyone you've played with spend time scrutinising the tables for crafting better characters?

Are there interesting types of actions or manoeuvres that you can perform so you get more interesting strategic play?

Does combat feel like a duel for example?

I'm curious as I do sometimes sit down and write simulators for things like this and I'm wondering if it's worthwhile to source the books and see if this sort of complex branching decision-making actually provides some interesting gameplay =)...

EDIT: Any good crunchy book suggestions of stuff to look at which might be interesting to simulate?


Hackmaster dialled this all up to 11 because it's essentially an extended joke in rulebook form. It was original referenced as the game played by the characters in a gaming cartoon strip, and only became an actual thing years later. A lot of the outcomes on the tables are there for laughs.

There are more serious games that had lots of tables, like Rolemaster, and basically the idea is for the game system to generate a wide variety problems and situations for the players to deal with, in combat but also in encounters and such. This takes some load off the GM by providing a lot of variety without preparation, but also because these outcomes are generated by the rules, the players can't claim the GM is picking on them by imposing nasty consequences arbitrarily. It's just one school of game design though.


Ok interesting =), so I guess what you're saying is Rolemaster does create some interesting gameplay decisions, but Hackmaster is unplayable?

Is that fair?

Not sure what your position is on the other questions, if you've played a lot of either I mean.


HM was absolutely playable (I only know the original 4th edition), but it was created by a company making RPG comics (specifically, it was the, until then, imaginary system the characters in Kights of the Dinner Table played), so it does not take itself super serious.

The super-detailed tables mostly don’t matter. It’s not as if you’d know the shorter ones by heart, so you either look them up anyway, or you (what we did) have a small program on the GMs laptop.

As with most roleplaying games, almost everything lives and dies with the skill of your GM to make it work and to a lesser part with the skill of your players (and by skill I mean ability to get into a flow with everyone else)

Our first session ended in (Chaotic Neutral with a bit of evil) me accidentally killing the party fighter and him re-rolling a Paladin that did not like me. And I got critically hit by his thrown pebble after clapping at a funeral.


A very important detail about HackMaster 4e was that their license with WotC for the AD&D 1e things allowed them to publish a parody of AD&D 1e. They absolutely set out to create a fun and playable game (and IMO succeeded), but everything was contractually obligated to have an element of ridiculousness. On top of the generally lighthearted and joking prose, a big part of how they did this was to take the convoluted parts of 1e that later editions simplified away and instead make them over the top. 1e had lots and lots of overly specific lookup tables for things which later editions replaced with more general rules, so HM doubled down on that and made the tables even more gratuitously detailed.

If you set aside the humor aspect, HM is a game that plays very similarly to 1e, but more fleshed out and with a lot of assorted improvements.


>1e had lots and lots of overly specific lookup tables for things

For example the infamous Harlot table where you could roll for the precise form of loose woman you encounter. A different time, for sure.


Thanks for the clarification, 100% any roleplaying game is GM skill dependant.

It seems like the nice thing you get here is that some people went and came up with a whole bunch of stuff that could happen which could be good fodder for "fail forward"[0] style outcomes?

- [0]: https://mythcreants.com/blog/why-mouse-guard-handles-failure...


> 100%

There are games that democratize the power of the GM a bit. Very traditional RPGs are into putting pressure on the GM to be a one-man band for the players' entertainment, but the more "modern" ones share the authority, get the players involved in worldbuilding and/or expect the players to be proactive (rather than just respond to the GM)


My group is currently playing such a system, Irownsworn [0] (Free to play). It allows single player, gm-less and gm play. While we are playing with GM, you still have to make decisions about outcomes that are traditionally done by a GM. It works because a lot of details are abstracted away.

[0]: https://www.ironswornrpg.com/


> And I got critically hit by his thrown pebble after clapping at a funeral.

That sounds epic.


"The current 5th edition has removed most of the parody aspects, and contains game mechanics written from scratch in order to avoid any intellectual property problems." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HackMaster)

The holy what?


Yeah, it’s sad.


Haven't played Rolemaster much, have you ? :)


Character: "I need to wee-wee"

DM: "Roll 1d100, open-ended."


01 "Hu-ho"

Rolls 1d100 on the Plasma Critical hit table.

"you Large or Superlarge?"

"nope"

Rolls 66.

Give me your sheet.


Never, actually. But now that you mention it, the GM who introduced me to Hackmaster also mentioned it as a crazy example :D


You know, Rolemaster actually might be fun to run in Foundry VTT where a lot of those tables get automated!



www.reddit.com/r/d100/ is a subreddit devoted to making 100 count lookup tables for random events and objects


I really like the "funky dice" that get used in Dungeon Crawl Classics [1], like the D5 which shows up here. Also, it's probably worth noting that Lou Zocchi had at least four major iterations of the Zocchihedron (d100), with different braking mechanisms, and that they're basically impossible to obtain in the last couple years. He lost a fair bit of his work in a fire [2] and had some major health problems [3] last year as well.

As a sidenote, I'm not sure why a d216 hasn't ever been made -- that one feels like a fun (novelty) opportunity to replace 3d6 for attribute rolls.

[1]: https://goodman-games.com/dungeon-crawl-classics-rpg/

[2]: https://goodman-games.com/blog/2020/01/06/support-lou-zocchi...

[3]: https://goodman-games.com/blog/2021/09/24/send-lou-zocchi-a-...


I saw a Mk II once and it definitely would brake well on a soft surface. It was still hard to read though. I always wondered if putting a liquid with a small bubble between the numbers and the outside would yield a cursor for reading the number. Still 2d10 is more practical.


Thanks for this, they are very cool I had a pile of them in the 90s


Rather than a d216 you then need a conversion table to use, why not a 16-sided dice numbered 3-18 that has been weighted to roll the appropriate distribution?


This is a much better idea than the d216, and probably a lot more fun.


Do you have more information about Zocchihedron variants?


Here is a comparison of the braking distance of four D100's, including three models of Zocchihedron:

https://youtu.be/zmB2If4AvG0


I hate pages just designed to make fun of people...

What do you care if someone likes odd dice? Or digging tunnels? Or dressing up in costumes? Or whatever else?

The worst ones are whole communities dedicated to bullying people (e.g. diwhy or cringetopia). We all do stupid things sometimes. I liked the time before someone would try to catch you on camera and internet-shame you for losing your temper, dressing funny, having a different opinion, or whatever else.


The whole thing is tongue in cheek. Dude probably owns a d33


So it's not ok for him to care about people who x

but it's ok for you to care about people who y?

where

x = like odd dice

and

y = makes fun about not further specified people liking odd dice

Serious question - what's the difference?


> Serious question - what's the difference?

One is liking something that harms no one. The other is liking making fun of people who are harming no one, thus, to a minor extent, harming them.

It's a pretty large difference to be completely blind to.


Indeed. I'm not sure it's harming them to a minor extent. Getting picked on harms people to a large extent (especially kids).

There's two options:

1) You did something really dumb, and now you're internet-famous for having done something really dumb. I care about this even if it was something genuinely bad. I'd like that to be handled with a justice system and not a mob justice system.

2) You do something a lot of people find obnoxious. You're really into some obscure sci-fi show, obsessively like Bulgarian folk music, only wear purple clothing, want Hello Kitty on all of your merchandise, or hold some non-mainstream political view. No one is going to individually ruin your life over it, but collectively, everyone shames you a little bit. That can be super-damaging too.

I think we should be tolerant of most things that don't harm other people (the same goes geopolitically; if a foreign culture has different views on government / gender / religion / etc., we don't need to fix them). I don't think we should be tolerant of bullying (e.g. another country invading their neighbor).

There's also a big difference between condemning people and things. My comment was that I hate a page and forum. I can do that without hate or condemning the person who made the page or the users of those forums. A person isn't defined by one dumb action. The linked page goes out of their to be mean to individuals who buy dice like those, or design them. I would have no problem with a product review page which said "These are bad dice." Dice (and web pages) aren't sentient beings.


I agree with you in general, but the mockery in this article is pretty undirected and mild. If you actually said this at a gaming table where a new and, especially immature, player was using the dice in question; then this applies in spades.


If you don't tolerate this level of being made fun of, you should probably stay in your moms basement. Calling the post harmful to any degree, is disrespectful of people actually experiencing harm.


Bullies always fall back to “toughen up” when called out for their bullying.


A satirical blog post is bullying now?


There's a massive difference between talking about a thing you don't like verses trashing people who like a thing you don't like.

To sum it up in a meme: Let people enjoy things.

Sportballs is silly? Sure. Compare it to the gladiatorial games in ancient Rome? Sure. Calling people who like American football dumb? Not okay.

Watching football is as dumb as playing D&D, fixing cars, listening to music(1), etc. People get invested in things they like and can get just as "nerdy" about it as any programmer into designing programming languages.

1: I will make an exception for bagpipes. Pretty sure they were *designed* to be offensive. Which is why I get so much joy listening to them. ;)


The article doesn't care about people who like odd dice, it's making fun of them.

I'm not sure what y means, but making fun of people for their hobby doesn't itself sound like a hobby, or else you have the tolerance paradox.


Content aside, this is a great time capsule into the 2009 nerdy internet vernacular. It really does feel worlds away in tone, style and culture.


The tone feels very much in keeping with the grognard "get off my terrain" sentiment that has been largely pushed to the fringes these days.


> However, if you are too lazy to use your imagination to decide what alignment a character might be, then maybe role-playing isn’t for you

Using your imagination around the roll of a dice is the entire point of using dice in an rpg, if I just wanted to make this stuff up with no rules and no restrictions then I'd be writing a novel


Absolutely. But also, "imagination" is biased by what we know. Randomizing things via die is a great way to let go of clichés and prejudice.


Don't remember were, but I saw someone randomly rolling the sex of NPCs when the sex isn't important to story. A nice touch, which made me realize that a lot of NPCs I came up with weren't randomly distributed. magicians for example tended to majority female...

Once I built a separate Battletech universe using the random event tables from the MW3 RPG. it was centered around one particular merc unit and span like 150 years. Was fun to interpret the random events to put them into context and build story around it.


Aye, I like dice that randomly generate characters and towns as you never really know what you’re gonna get.


Always hated "alignment" in D&D. Your character is as they do. I was happy to move over to DragonQuest back in the day, did away with a lot of D&D's baggage to my mind.


> then I think the whole “story-telling adventure” thing is too taxing for you. You should just load up your Call of Duty 4 on the Xbox and enjoy not having to worry about coming up with complex narratives. Just shoot and call other people “fagtards.”

This part really turned me off at first, but I thankfully kept reading to realize how tongue-in-cheek the whole writing was. I feel that the list could have been ordered better, to more easily establish the tone first.


I didn't get "tongue in cheek" from this, but preteen angst.


You totally missed the point. The author wasn't calling anyone a "fagtard". The author was making fun of the kinds of people who call other people "fagtards" while playing mindless online shooters. There's a lot of people like that.

What is wrong with using a word in this context?


Well for one it’s a pretty crass generalization of people who like fps games


I believe anyone who has played FPSs online would agree it doesn't take long to find an individual that fits this profile.

I think you're just word policing and hall monitoring someone. I understand decorum and that there's a time and a place for different types/styles of language but I don't think the context of this article violates that at all in this forum.


It doesn’t take that long to find a Black individual who has committed a crime. Is that generalization ok?


I think the vast majority of black people are not criminals. You’d probably have to look harder than you think to find blacks people that are criminals if you surveyed society in general.


The vast majority of fps players don’t shout homophobic slurs.


The forgotten oppressed.


The fps community has exactly the same stereotype of console cod players.


My favourite dice are my "non euclidean" six siders, a must-have for playing Call of Cthulhu.

https://www.mathartfun.com/d6.html


That's a pretty fun store. I also like this particular vendor on AliExpress that sells bags of randomly assorted dice: https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32831351903.html

They can contain dice that are specifically made for some badlysold or unsold boardgame, which just adds to the fun. A friend of mine has dice with undecipherable symbols on them.

Pre-COVID, I myself got very heavy metal dice. I didn't use them a lot, they're very pointy and I had the feeling they might damage my wooden table.


Are the ali-dice fair or are they dice that failed quality control?


Looks like they're mostly surplus stock, but there could be all sorts of reasons a die ends up in there.


>Pre-COVID, I myself got very heavy metal dice.

Are they tungsten? I nearly bought a pair of them but I figured I'd never roll them because of their weight.


Good question, I don't know. I'll see if I can measure and weigh them!


Those are great, thanks!


Regarding the d34:

3d34-2 is N(1,100)

Esoteric systems that wanted normal distributions could use that for statistics.


I got my kids some Math Art Fun dice. These included a rhombic d12, d24, d48, d60, and the mighty d120, plus some assorted skewed dice. Shoulda gotten a d30 too. These are absolutely fabulous dice, even if they have limited use. And they're cheap.

https://www.mathartfun.com/DiceLabDice.html


It's quite disturbing to read how seriously some people around here are taking a silly nerd rant written <checks watch> 13 years ago.

Have we seriously lost all humour? Goodness.


Please explain the humor in:

- Calling dice "retarded" because the writer doesn't like those particular dice

- Calling people who own gold dice "retarded", despite there being no evidence of disability that was previously known as "retardation"

Where's the joke? Can you please show me how it was funny in 2009? Can you explain how this humor is somehow notable enough to be highlighted on HN?


Not really the kind of people that tend to be offended by something like this often lack the capacity to appreciate it after it has been explained. As the quote goes "explaining humour is a lot like dissecting a frog. Not very many people like it an either way the frog is dead."


I disagree on the crystal dice. I don't think I would be happy if a game design chose to use them, but at least the idea is cool, because who doesn't love barrels? They're historical! They're fantasy! They're still used today!

Beer? Or gunpowder? Or maybe even a hiding place!


> 10) The D6 Alignment Dice

> However, if you are too lazy to use your imagination to decide what alignment a character might be, then maybe role-playing isn’t for you. If you can’t make in your choice in your head whether Grongor the Dwarven Fighter likes to save women and children or save women and children for dinner, then I think the whole “story-telling adventure” thing is too taxing for you.

I dunno, I think it's more fun to explore all the options. Maybe Grongor is secretly evil, maybe Grongor is secretly good, maybe Grongor doesn't care and is just in it for the money.


People are more biased than a d6. Setting aside multi-generation debates about the notion of moral alignments, a rolled alignment is only "wrong" if it doesn't meet stereotypical expectations.


I own a D5, and I love it. It's such a weird shape, and it's fun to show off to people.

One day, I need to build a rig to roll it ten thousand times and determine the output - I want to know how fair it is!


Nice. I have a d3 that is shaped like a little jellybean with 3 evenly spaced indentions that wrap around, really odd shape. Very satisfying for 33%ers.


Isn’t the d34 designed to simulate a roulette wheel?

Edit: Nope, that’s 36, plus 0 and 00.


Someone else posted this in a toplevel comment, but in case you missed it, 3d34-2 is a binomial distribution from 1-100, which approximates a normal distribution.


French/European Roulette has no 00. There is apparently a 000 version but Ive never seen one and used to work for a company who made them.


No mention of the amazingly balanced d120 from http://thedicelab.com/ ?


The gold ones better not be much gold at all. After a few hundred tumbles they would be so lumpy they'd be more useful as golden nuggets.


While dice made of sovereign gold would be ludicrously expensive, it's a 22k alloy which is rigid enough for coin (hence the name).


I'd guess they're made of a gold alloy, which adds the benefit of being cheaper


There‘s probably a subscription.


I played D&D the other day for the first time in 20 years (since 2nd edition) and my friend lent me a set of dice. Turns out, I still care about dice because I did not like these ones! The edges were too round and the design made the numbers hard to read. I guess I'll have to dig around for my old dice...


Reminds me of my favorite wikimedia commons page:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Dice_by_number_of_sides


Weak research, I have at least 4 out of 10 in my dice collection, some improved (my "d1000" set has 10 or 11 digits, newer and rarer d100 makes in addition to the old Zocchi patent, both d4 numbering schemes...).


I used to own a D100, used it about two times. I wouldn't call it "shameful", but it was a silly idea to create one, and it was silly of me to buy one.


I actually quite like the standard d4. Lands with an air of finality without faffing about. Also, I'm clumsy with dice and roll them off the table far too often.


I'm just waiting for dice of non-uniform distribution. Gaussian dice anyone? Of course anything can be accomplished with a proper lookup table.


Don't sums of dice rolls approach normal distribution?


A D34 would be better served by a Roulette table


I have one of those Zocchihedrons, a d100. They missed the d30, with diamond-shaped faces, also a completely useless die.


I'm not sure that calling dice "retarded" or using the term "fagtard" reflects appropriate language for 2022. The article's written in a manner that leads me to believe the author was a 13 year old boy. No insight, nothing to actually learn. Just one person complaining about dice. Why is this something worthy of Hacker News today?


It's interesting to see how far language/norms have come since 2009.

Still pretty damn funny I thought, if you can get past those two terrible and unfunny slips. I like the idea of not throwing out the whole thing when someone says something boneheaded.


Depends on the bubble you're in. Where I was, this was offensive in 2009 and had already start being phased out for over a decade before by my middle and high school experience. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa%27s_Law


I don't think I even saw anyone bother with the euphemism "r-word" until like 2012. It was common in media throughout the '00s and somewhat beyond.

F----t and derivatives, yes, that was on its way out even in my nowhere-near-the-coasts purple-county-in-a-red-state by the early '00s.


You can trace use of pre "r-word" euphemisms at least back to the mid aughts and Carlos Mencia.

There are some interesting trends here. Spikes in searches seem to coincide with Mind of Mencia going on the air, Rosa's Law and a tweet from Ann Coulter directed at Obama.

https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&geo=US&q=%...


I vaguely recall "retarded" sticking around a little longer than one might expect in the Northeast. It fits the local accent perfectly (got that ar in the middle to enthusiastically butcher). Of course I 100% agree with getting it out of the language nowadays, it is quite hurtful.


The world is more bipartisan, and discourse more vitriolic. Bad faith is more common, and as such, language more guarded. Outside certain bubbles, these words are definitely common.


I suspect because, despite the lack of sophisticated language, the post definitely strikes a chord with many readers.

Yes, 4-sided dice are crazy in that they simply flop. An 8-sided die with the digits 1 to 4 repeated would be preferable.




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