You are describing exactly me before my depression treatment kicked in. I would also call that a "rumination" and there were times when I though being one of the few people who SEE what the world really is like was somehow good for me. It wasn't. In my case it was depression/axiety/OCD. I still know that life is a paradox, but I don't ruminate about it since there isn't anything I can change by thinking about it all the time.

There is a great quote from Ernest Becker: "The neurotic opts out of life because he is having trouble maintaining his illusions about it, which proves nothing less than that life is possible only with illusions."