I believe you are a fundamentally honest person who is trying to mimick the things grifters brag about doing and jump ahead of the line. I know this path because I tried it years ago. And most likely, it won't work - you don't have it in you to go that way.
But neither can you be a washed up 20-something begging for pity. You are probably a bit too competent and proud for that.
What you should do instead is be a "forever student". Now you are never there to snag the gig or steal the credit. You are there to study an "x". The x can be broad and impressive or narrow and miniscule. Jobs, businesses, investments, products, are all vehicles for pursuing this study. You will signal this at all times, and develop contacts and portfolio work pertinent to this study. Earnest emails asking "what should I do to go further with this" - questions that are of interest to the figure you are asking as well as yourself - are often golden tickets. Choose anything to start, and see where it pulls you. When you are in the vicinity of a good conversation and money is flowing around it, the money often ends up in your hands.
However, you also have to work on yourself enough to be a great student. That means valuing your body, household, social conduct and other things, and to see "access to resources" in a broader sense than salary. Taking a shit job or sacrificing some living conditions can be the right move if it buys you time, but if it makes your health deteriorate it might be the wrong move too. People get a lot of comfort out of doing the simple stuff well, and you have decades to get the big picture things right. It's OK to be unambitious.
Do some self-talk, journal a bit, exercise, eat well. Aim to get the concerns "out of you" so that you can act in the world with focus and purpose.
But neither can you be a washed up 20-something begging for pity. You are probably a bit too competent and proud for that.
What you should do instead is be a "forever student". Now you are never there to snag the gig or steal the credit. You are there to study an "x". The x can be broad and impressive or narrow and miniscule. Jobs, businesses, investments, products, are all vehicles for pursuing this study. You will signal this at all times, and develop contacts and portfolio work pertinent to this study. Earnest emails asking "what should I do to go further with this" - questions that are of interest to the figure you are asking as well as yourself - are often golden tickets. Choose anything to start, and see where it pulls you. When you are in the vicinity of a good conversation and money is flowing around it, the money often ends up in your hands.
However, you also have to work on yourself enough to be a great student. That means valuing your body, household, social conduct and other things, and to see "access to resources" in a broader sense than salary. Taking a shit job or sacrificing some living conditions can be the right move if it buys you time, but if it makes your health deteriorate it might be the wrong move too. People get a lot of comfort out of doing the simple stuff well, and you have decades to get the big picture things right. It's OK to be unambitious.
Do some self-talk, journal a bit, exercise, eat well. Aim to get the concerns "out of you" so that you can act in the world with focus and purpose.