One of the most frustrating parts about it for me was that I'd seen the trope many times in fiction, non-fiction, and with my own eyes, and I could see all the parallels, knew logically what was happening, and I still found myself pushing harder into the cliff. A real mindfuck.
There are so many things like that which can affect you, you see it happening, and there's nothing you can do about it. I have occasional manic episodes, and ADHD. I can see both happening, I know what they are logically, and I just get to see myself walk closer and closer to the cliff's edge.
I think my helplessness and inaction were learned behaviors, and I managed to kick the habit... for the most part. I wish you the best of luck, don,t give up. At some point it will click. Be grateful when it happens.
