While there is a lot of truth in what you say from my experience as well, and I can be defensive from all the disappointment and ineffective advice and often outright attack and blame over the years, I try to remember people mostly DO mean well and you never know when the right thing might hit. My only real chance in all these years came from a stranger speaking up. I've gotten some lovely messages of emotional support from a handful of people before as well. I'd rather people speak up than not personally...but yeah an effective solution would be ideal. I feel I am just too far in a hole for any standard ideas to work. If I was in a strongly social nation I'd be getting assistance no question. I can't survive in the Thunderdome in my situation.
My comment explicitly allows for good faith interest in someone's situation. It's certainly not a suggestion that such comments shouldn't get engagement.
It's possible to speak up and do so more considerately and thoughtfully than is typically done in response to such comments.
I know...and thank you. I just wanted to be clear I am appreciative of empathetic and kind people. There is enough victim blaming and defensiveness from the masses in the world as it is...I don' want to alienate good people nor harm the acceptance and understanding for others in my situation by sounding ungrateful. For example I remember how grumpy and mean most older diabetics I worked with were and it wasn't because they were bad people, it's because they were worn out from suffering. But to most people they were just "jerks" who were choosing to be jerks.
