Now I own a big house, drive nice cars, and earn a lot more than back then, but I still don't feel rich. The rise in income over 12 years, was more or less matched by a rise in lifestyle and spending. Don't get me wrong, life is more comfortable, and I'm able to do lots of things I want to do that weren't possible before, but I still don't feel "rich" (I do feel lucky and blessed, etc...). I hate my 1/2 working 30 year old electric cooktop. I want a new gas cooktop, but that means new counter tops, and running a gas line, and if I'm doing new counter tops I should probably re-do the cabinets at the same time, and if I'm doing those, I should do the floors, and if I'm doing cabinets I should really replace the wall oven and fridge while I'm at it. But I don't have that kind of money! And I still have to bust my ass every day at work. So until you're really "RICH", and you still have to set the alarm and work every day, and you have things you want, but can't afford, you don't "feel" "rich".

Is this a healthy well adjusted mindset, probably not. Just pointing out that slow acclimation can make you feel like you really haven't moved much, regardless how far you've travelled. I've lost 35+ lbs in the last 3 years, but I don't feel "thin".

This is the mindset that makes high income people feel poor. You can get a vary nice gas stove installed wihtout looking out of place for ~10k or you can spend ~100k and get the same thing but shiny.

Home Equity Line of Credit + reasonable expectations means you could get a gas stove that does not look ugly for around 120$ a month. And in the increased value of your home and the real cost could be less than 80$ a month. (AKA 40$ a month becomes another form of savings.)

Now for you personally it's hard to (edit: quickly) cut 120$ a month from your nice cars and big house. But, I am willing to bet you would get more enjoyment from that 120$ than getting the "nicer" versions of other things in your life.

PS: It was vary freeing when I realized I was not spending my money to optimize my happiness. Rather I was buying things based on the amount of spare money I had when I was buying it. (Edit: Not that you have this problem, but it seems common.)

Firstly I try to be frugal. Some people think this means cutting coupons for everything and not spending any money on fun things, but really it just means not spending money on things you don't care about, so that you can spend money on things you do care about instead. The exact categories there are different for everyone and will change over time and as your situation/environment changes. For me, I chose to give up the car so I could have more wiggle room wrt general spending money (eating out, coffee), and could afford a new laptop and glasses. Other people will bring their own lunches and coffee so they can afford a vacation, or cut down on buying electronics so they can live in a nicer place. Sometimes I fail at frugality -- recently I've spent a lot of money on videogames that I don't really enjoy and won't play much, when I already have unplayed ones and games with lots of leftover replay value. So for the next month, I'm not spending any money on videogames, and after that I'll try to think more carefully about whether I'll enjoy a game and whether I actually have a small enough pile of games to get around to it soon, rather than whether I can afford the game. Because for any individual game, the answer to that question is always YES, so it's not a helpful question to ask myself. You mentioned you drive nice carS -- does this mean you own/lease more than one at once? You can only drive one at a time, so unless you have a family with seriously incompatible schedules or are a hardcore car aficionado, that might be something you could "afford" rather than something you truly need/want.

Secondly I try not to own too much stuff, especially stuff I don't use. Owning stuff costs time and money, but we don't always see that because the costs are hidden and sprinkled around all over the place. If you're using your big house mostly to store a big bunch of stuff you've accumulated, you are paying your hard-earned money to heat your own personal junkyard. When you move house, you pay to move the junk. When the junk breaks you pay to fix it or to replace it -- because by keeping it you've already convinced yourself you "need" it, even if it's something you never/rarely use or whose function could easily be replaced by some other tool you have. So I try to purge the things I own regularly, keeping only the things I use and want. I did a big purge last summer and I'll probably do another one this spring. It can be hard, especially if you've been raised to believe that owning stuff is a good thing, or that "you'll never know when you need it", but it feels really good when you're done. This doesn't mean I live in a minimalist apartment with no stuff, of course. It just means I have a somewhat-smaller, carefully-curated collection of stuff -- stuff I'm consciously willing to actually heat and move and repair and replace.

Sorry if getting money advice from a poor college student seems insulting/silly. It probably is at least a bit silly, but it seems like you and I (and lots of others) have the same problem on different scales, so the things that help me might help you, if you want.

For one example I moved to an apartment not infested with mice and roaches and it's cost me an extra $2,000 a year in rent. And honestly the roach place was overpriced and my current apt is a pretty good deal.

Basically, someone in the 90th percentile but not feeling rich is probably living somplace nice, buying a lot more reasonably-nice clothes (and bicycle and ski gear maybe), brand-name groceries (Whole Foods, etc.), newer cars, an entertainment center, college and retirement savings, etc. No individual item seems like a massive luxury, like a Yacht or a mansion or luxury penthouse; and you can't invest a million in startups just for the fun of it; but across the board it all adds up.