Hang in there. You're definitely not alone, and it does get better. I'm happy to listen if you ever need someone to talk to who has been there, and in important ways is still there.
As others have said, don't be so hard on yourself: that you're teaching yourself useful stuff is the opposite of zero productivity. In fact, you're probably learning faster than if you were doing it while employed.
My best suggestion is that your local library will likely allow you to download an app such as Libby that will allow you to listen to audiobooks for free. During my downtime, nothing has brought me more respite from my depression than listening to - no joke - about 200 books. I alternate between sci-fi and non-fiction. I never would have imagined myself a listener, but I was very wrong.
As others have said, don't be so hard on yourself: that you're teaching yourself useful stuff is the opposite of zero productivity. In fact, you're probably learning faster than if you were doing it while employed.
My best suggestion is that your local library will likely allow you to download an app such as Libby that will allow you to listen to audiobooks for free. During my downtime, nothing has brought me more respite from my depression than listening to - no joke - about 200 books. I alternate between sci-fi and non-fiction. I never would have imagined myself a listener, but I was very wrong.