I had a similar issue - the sensation that I had nothing to "show" for all the time invested. This will kill you. It's really important to do a few things at this point:
- Catalogue what you've actually accomplished in terms of stuff created / learned / produced
- Hack it all up into "stuff I will use", "stuff I will reference" and "stuff I will archive"
- Set some hard lines and hard times against deliverables with actual boundaries / units of work - what will you finish, by what date, where does it fit, what's the next stage?
Finally, and the biggest thing for me was: if you can hardline at work, be a professional and produce lots of good stuff on a dealine (assuming you do), you can do that for yourself as well.
Sometimes (as a non-startup type guy) I found it easy to go to work, push past pain barriers, bust serious ass and make some pretty incredible stuff happen, then come home and have a completely different - lazy and shabby - attitude.
As soon as I decided to carry that attitude towards my own goals / projects, it turned a lot of stuff around. I had two or three projects that were half parked for nearly 8 months that I set completion goals for and cleaned up in about 2 months.
Felt great, and made me realise how much you can actually produce when you have a clear idea of what you want to get done.
I'm exactly like what you described in your past. When I'm at work, I am as professional as it gets - deadlines, quality code, testing and all that. However, due to the work environment, I find that at the end of the day I've used up all my positive energy and mental resources to keep myself in line and motivated.
How did you find that extra boost to bust ass in both work and personal projects (if at all)? Right it seems like see-saw between the two.
I'm not quite there yet, in the process of getting there. When all I'm talking about is contract art jobs and there's no dayjob - I'm there! =)
- Mindfulness, oddly enough. I always need to stop, notice that I'm getting tired or distracted (or burning up way too much energy on something), stop, re-evaluate, and go
I notice sometimes I might just be "screwing around" on something (shuffling CSS around, painting bits of a picture that aren't critical), so I'll focus again and do something thats adding value
Especially when you're tired - its easy to futz about doing not much at all while thinking "I'm so busy and productive". It takes effort to mentally stay on task after a day at work
- Cold showers and coffee
- Being more assertive / aggressive at work. I used to burn myself out trying to do everything and anything, and spent a lot of time bashing my head against walls because someone else thought it was of value (and I didn't).
The more confident I get with my freelance jobs, the more risk I'm taking at work. Quiet happy to tell someone that an idea isn't worth pursuing and push back when I've got too much on my plate.
Also, learn to argue (in a professional manner) without feeling like shit about it. Saves a lot of hassle.
- Just doing it. It's cliche, but nothing beats this: take off your work gear, shower, change, prep, shut the fucking browser, turn off the tv, and go.
Sometimes its almost comical what I have to do to break out of habits like idling online or gaming or etc. I will sit and literally yell at myself if I have to, to get myself back on task.
Small post-its work as well, like "get back to work" or "is this really worthwhile and enjoyable?" (that one's stuck to the PS3)
- Remembering that projects are fun. I feel way better about myself after a half hour working out or four hours building time on something than watching TV all night. It turned my mood around quiet a bit too - went from being quiet sullen to very content and positive about stuff.
No worries, your experience will probably be different but it generally starts with the kind of discontent you're experiencing. Just make sure to act on it in a direct and constructive way.
