If I had zero obligations or goals in life, I would smoke pot all day every day.

But since, like OP, it makes me want to sit at home and do nothing (not inherently a bad thing), it impedes my goals of producing creative work.

There is a fine line, I think, between people who can smoke pot responsibly (every few days or only once a week) and people who cannot go a single day (or even a few hours) without smoking.

As I've said in another post, I smoke about everyday, but I don't have any problem pursuing my goals, producing creative works, or excelling in my career.

The fine line you're talking about does exist, but it doesn't have anything to do with the frequency of usage. Responsibility can be achieved with or without pot.

Your choice. If you feel it's not holding you back then go for it.

IMO, pot is great when you're stuck in a situation in life which you can't escape for other factors. It can make a bad situation tolerable.

IME, pot increases your tactical thinking skills while reducing your strategic thinking ability. For instance, I spent years as a programmer doing well in my job while I was high all the time. It was great during the early phase of my career when people didn't expect much out of me, other than solving a list of bugs/defects or hacking my way through things. When I 'woke up' in my 40s, I realized I failed to grow in ways that were necessary for me to advance as both a programmer and a person. Now that I have spent some time sober, I really see what it enabled me to do to myself(or not do).

If you haven't taken a 6 month break I highly encourage it. If it seems difficult I hope you are honest with yourself to the point where you realize the hold it has on you. I spent 15 years nearly constantly high. I always told myself I could quit and never managed to go more than a few days sober. I always told myself that I just didn't want to stop, but I could if I really wanted to. It wasn't until I really tried to quit that I knew the kind of hold it had on me.

I think a lot of us in the tech industry can get away with a lot of bad behavior for quite a while. Showing up late, or stoned, or both... Not pushing the boundaries but just getting by... A lot of us can do that and still be considered 'rock stars' by the people around us, but therein lies a danger.

I'm not saying you can't smoke pot regularly and be successful. There are always exceptions and people with enough willpower to make it happen. They are the minority in the people I've encountered in life, however.

Thanks for the thoughtful input, and I'm certainly taking your anecdotes as advice. In fact, taking a break seems like a good idea, I'll have to work this into my life sometime soon.

However I have to be honest, my life has never been more successful than it currently is. Not to say it would be more so if I wasn't a daily user, but hopefully you see my point.

No need to respond if you're not comfortable, but in what ways did you fail to grow, that you realized? This could also be good advice for me.

It's tough.. Not only was I a pothead, I was an advocate. I grew and supplied dispensaries with flowers and edibles. I'm not saying weed should be banned but I think we need a rational discussion on it.

I understand your feelings. My salary peaked in the midst of my binge. I was a (in my circle) somewhat of a rockstar, making tons of money, working an easy job. It's the classic story of the tortoise and the hare though. I am, in some limited technical aspects, kinda smart. Some things come easy. I let that lull me into thinking I didn't need to compete. Now I'm no longer the golden boy and struggling to stay relevant in a rapidly changing world.

I failed to learn to develop my strategic thinking. As you age, people pay you less for the work you can get done and more for your ability to lead, to strategize, to think ahead. They don't pay you to craft clever solutions(well, not as much). You have to be social, clear minded, and dependable. I let myself get buried in unfinished tasks and useless distractions. I failed to cultivate more mature relationships outside my stoner friend circle. I failed to pursue more difficult and challenging roles. Heck, a peer of mine just landed a very senior job at MS. If I hadn't had my head in the clouds, I could have achieved similar successes. I basically burned the last ten years, my thirties, getting by instead of looking ahead.

I also let a very damaging relationship persist long after I knew it was destined to fail. I should have ended my marriage over a decade ago but instead I got high and avoided it. Now I'm on the hook for long-term alimony and starting over in my 40s after losing my house and over half of my net worth.

It's definitely not all the fault of my addictions, but my choice of drugs certainly didn't help. Now that I'm beyond it(despite dipping my toe back in the waters over the last few weeks to try to ease my sleep apnea), I have the clarity to see how it held me back. I always had a voracious appetite for learning and self-improvement. During my time 'in the cloud' it turned into a self-destructive binge of useless and expensive hobbies and distractions. I emerged with not much to show for it besides some hazy memories. Life is short. Attack it.

As a 25 year old, going on 31 days quitting cold turkey after blazing every hour for the past 5 years, having gone through a divorce 10 months ago...thank you for your post. Seriously, thank you. I attributed a lot of my successes to my weed smoking habit, but I have been catching whiffs of what you said in my own life, and to hear someone else express it so clearly...you’re really helping by sharing your experiences. I truly wish you the best.

the hard won wisdom and honest self asessment here are inspiring, and im not sure why. but i think its very good you wrote this, and im almost positive the guy you are responding to is going to benefit from what you are saying, not to mention all the other readers

Wow. I have been delving in my own delusional mind for far too long. For me, this really is the truth that has been hiding in the mist of denial. Thanks for sharing.

This is a great post, thank you.

oh man, that's exactly my experience - I get shit done but I'm perfectly aware that what I'm doing is not near my real capabilities. And tech life allows you to smoke every day without consequences - good money, no strict working hours, no one watching you work etc.

How did you manage to stay so high at work?

I was an engineer at a design services firm. My 'boss' was 500 miles away, along with the rest of my team. People threw bugs and tasks at me and I did them. At my company, I'd walk in, go straight to my cube, and sit there all day. Occasionally I'd get social. Even when I was assigned to other projects working with local teams, or even leading teams of people, I managed to make it work. People just got used to me being that way I guess.

I wasn't really hiding it. I have long hair(usually worn down) and had a reputation as being a party guy. But I had an outstanding technical reputation and that shielded me from scrutiny. I was making my company a lot of money and as long as that continued I don't think anyone really gave a shit.

How do you think being high affected your work?

I usually did the minimum required of me. While I did challenge myself and learn new things, I stuck to the easy stuff. I worked the minimum amount of time every week and shied away from taking on voluntary projects which would have made my usefulness to my employer more obvious. I got my job done in 20-30 hours, billed for 40, and went home(shitty, I know).

When times got tough for my client(after nearly 6 years) I was eventually replaced with a WiPro guy.

I could have learned C++14, but instead I stuck with what I knew. I could have learned algorithms, but I stuck with the driver/systems/embedded stuff I knew. I could have learned the security frameworks and been really valuable right now.

The last 2 years have been a time of furious catching up. I'm now being courted by FANG companies and hoping I can make the cut(I need to bump my salary to afford alimony... long story).

As long as you a) have experience being stoned in public, and b) don't smell like burnt flower, it's not too difficult to fly under the radar. Just try not to talk with people, however if you do, I've learned that overloading a person's mind distracts them enough to not pay attention to your slightly glassy eyes. Basically: do your job and ask them to do theirs.

Edit: If this sounds like a off-place rant, it was not my intent. :)

If you haven't smoked from dawn till dusk day in day out, you can't really say people can achieve responsibility with it.

What I am saying is not to disagree, but to state that if you're a person who ends up smoking 12-16 times a day, there isn't much willpower left to handle anything but immediate responsibilities.

You may not use much, and you may not notice how your pot use affects you. But of you ever end up using more regularly, more pot per unit of time, do not fool yourself and believe it doesn't have its adverse effects.

But if you do really think that pot doesn't really impede your motivation, drive, social life etc., then show yourself. Quit for a while, if you can. If you've been deep enough into the hole, coming out will feel like a constant mental overdrive. I've heard it feels kind of like similar bliss people say they might get from meditation, or if you were under very mild psychedelics. Ideas, people, arts, everything feel more innately interesting. As if depression lifts, and the whole experience of being feels more vibrant or vivid. And slowly but surely it all fades away, if you go back to regular smoking.

Yeah, anecdotes from some other life.

Your message did seem off-putting at first, but I appreciate the clarification.

> If you haven't smoked from dawn till dusk day in day out

There have been several times in my life where this was exactly my behavior, and truthfully, they weren't my best times. In fact I'm not at all proposing that endless and mindless medication, or even limited and conscious medication doesn't have adverse side-effects. That would be a foolish thing to assert.

But then again, I think the point you're trying to address is somewhat absurd. If you take anything (booze, food, sun exposure) to the extreme level of "dusk till Dawn, day in day out", you'll be facing some serious changes to your life. But I know where you're coming from, and I would generally agree.

There's definitely a moment when you start realizing that you're sobering up (long term quitting), and it feels very much like a fog is lifting, and thinking and emotions become easier to direct. Calling it blissful isn't even much of a stretch, unlike relating it to the effects of psychedelics.

> And slowly but surely it all fades away, if you go back to regular smoking

This however I can't agree with. The bliss of sobering up might be real, but it doesn't even come close to the bliss of jumping back into the rabbit hole (true about any drug). That said, this is why I choose marijuana rather than say cigarettes, or booze, or pills, or junk food. Maybe someday I can learn to cut back and be a casual user, instead of the chronic user I am today.

On the other hand, participating in online forums can have similar effects.

try https://www.thekitchensafe.com/

I'm always glad to hear that people find a balance.

One thing that is difficult for me, however, is to understand how things affect me without long periods of abstinence.

Like, I'm an alcoholic, though I've become more and more functional. I pretty much only drink on the weekends and around other humans, now. But I went through about 6 months of total abstinence from drinking and I can say with a great deal of certainty that I didn't realize the various subtle ways that substance abuse was impacting my life.

It's a relavent epistemic problem, and so when I hear people saying what you're saying, I am not at all skeptical-- I believe that it is true that "Responsibility can be achieved with or without pot". I also believe that I personally was unable to fully understand my position when I was drinking every day.

Thanks for the words, and I'm excited to have this conversation in such a productive lense.

I would agree with your statement about not being able to fully understand the situation if the observer is constantly under the influence, in fact I would think it's an understatement. I myself am guilty of assuming a situation to be all fine, when a sober and detoxified version of myself wouldn't agree.

With no offense to you, I'm glad my crutch is marijuana and not alcohol. I grew up with addicts as parents, one with alcohol and the other with pot, and I've witnessed first hand the dramatic and disastrous effects of long-term alcohol abuse. I'm very happy for your ability to keep the addiction at bay, and wish you the best of encouragement.

It's always interesting to hear about people that can scale the alcohol back. I can't do it. I can (usually) get through work sober, but the second I get home I'm grabbing a beer, or downing a shot.

The only thing that worked for me was complete sobriety. Been sober 10 years now. Still think about drinking all the time tho.

I'm glad you found a thing that works.

My feeling is that we have dysfunctional behaviors and that alcohol is a tool we use to deal with that.

Its easier to not drink now, because I don't want to drink. I think that I know why I drink most of the times (and is scares me when I drink and don't know why); even when I don't know why, I can usually figure out why.

I did not want to quit drinking before my wife left me. She certainly did not make me drink. It was a way of coping with her demanding personality that I chose.

It's good if you can make not drinking work for you. I may be way off base, but if you can figure out why you are wanting to drink and if you can change that thing in your life, then that situation is far better.

If I could choose, I would still be married and have developed a different coping mechanism and just be completely sober, but that's not my choice... the fact that I don't want to drink and only do it for social expediency is cold comfort.

>I smoke about everyday, but I don't have any problem pursuing my goals, producing creative works, or excelling in my career.

Same, no issues. I have no issues with responsibility. I procrastinate more, but I don't feel like I'm missing or harming anything.