I know you’re trying to help, but I think saying empty, insincere platitudes like “we all enjoy you here” doesn’t really help them or the situation. It certainly didn’t help to hear that from strangers when I was in a similar position.
Exactly, and saying things like "You arent a failure" to someone who has quite obviously failed at their attempts to be a software engineer and business owner is sending the wrong message. If somethings is going wrong with your life, it's not helpful to ignore that and pretend everything is great. The cognitive dissonance involved with that will put a huge strain on you, and possibly make the problem worse.
From what the OP has said, it would seem that in their current state they are not capable of working as a programmer right now. I would recommend getting help for the depression and anxiety first, and then working on software engineering skills until they are more confident and capable. The 50K USD should allow them some leeway to do this without needing to find work immediately, which will help.
Failing at something doesn't make a person a failure or else we would all be failures. Do you really thing extra compassion towards a person contemplating suicide is such a bad thing? Or is being 100% correct in your words more important? I know we're on a message board, but OP is a real person with real feelings in a pretty fragile state right now.
I could have been clearer, I suppose - of course I'm not saying that the OP was a failure, but I was saying that they failed at the things they attempted, i.e. software engineering, and platitudes that gloss over this aren't helpful, since the cognitive dissonance and load will often make the mental issues worse.
I'm sorry you feel that way, and I can understand where you are coming from.
I don't know if you believe me, but I genuinely enjoy this person's presence. Seriously. He is providing interesting information, and he is a talented programmer. We are all in this boat together.
I believe that all humans have the capacity to be awesome to each other. I believe he needed to hear that we want him on this earth, even if we don't know him in person.
I am a bit shocked at the comments people are making in this thread. Someone who is acutely anxious and depressed about their business challenges should never be told that they are a failure and that we don't care about their emotional distress from their business problems.
I care that this guy exists. Even in his darkest hours, I want him to continue living. This trouble he's going through will pass. He is still a healthy human being, whether or not his business fails.
There is so much stuff left for him to experience in his life. Empathetic humans like myself must remind him that even if he loses all his money, he can always rebuild.
Yeah, it's pretty upsetting to see the lack of compassion in here. I think it is just harder for some to imagine real people on the other side of HN comments (or any online comments). If we were all in a room talking to each other, instead of a message-board, then we would see far more empathy and kindness.
I'm glad you're here to be a kind and compassionate voice.
Same to you :) Business doesn't need to be a zero sum game. We can all help each other out if the stars align properly.
I remember back when the banks made loans to businesses, and the business owner was really only responsible for daily operations. It was the bank's money to lose. If the business didn't work out, it was the bank's loss, not really the CEO's.
Now the risk is all on the founder. It is a digital gold rush where the founder must provide their own shovel and pan, and if they don't find gold quickly enough, then they'll starve.
It doesn't need to be like this. You can walk away from the gold mine.
