As someone in a similar situation as the author, I actually agree with you.
It is perfectly normal that people who are not in similar situations don't know how to interact with such children and their parents, initiate, respond, or continue a topic. So I am fine with most remarks people made that the author may find uncomfortable or offensive, unless the remarks are bluntly inappropriate or offensive even to the ears of parents of normal children. For example, since I am not religious, it is really annoying to bring God into the topic, "there must be a purpose", etc.
I agree with the author that please invite our child to your party, to have a playdate, etc. We understand it means the hosts will put in extra efforts to accommodate our child. We greatly appreciate it. We will do our best to make it a less burden. For example, it is OK to invite our child for a swimming party, although he won't swim. He would be very happy to watch other kids play in the water.
Yeah, I definitely have that same fear of saying the wrong thing. But all the specifics aside, maybe the author is really saying, try to behave as you would in other situations: Be kind, be inclusive, and don't worry too much about unintentionally offending the parents, who (alas) have probably seen and heard it all before.
I didn’t say it’s arbitrary. But it is specific — “ask me about daily life but not about the long term” and frankly it is too easy for flawed people like myself to think “too complicated” and just avoid the situation altogether.
