If you pay me a mere $8k per year -- a big savings over college -- I'll be happy to let you come over a few times a week and be shamed into reading Kierkegaard and Augustine. I'll even buy the books for you, which is more than your college will do.

For an additional fee I'll let you live on your own, in your very own apartment, and give you the valuable life experience of earning your own rent money.

I can also direct you to places where you will meet lots of college students and programmers -- I live in Boston, so this is so easy that I'll throw it in for free.