> if you're looking for a TL;DR to describe all of the differences between Bayesian and Frequentist statistics, while also giving you a history of the theoretical development of each, and you want it to be self contained... you're going to have a bad time.

Yes a million times! This problem is mirrored IMO in many domains requiring somewhat complicated math. You end up with an explanation of many layers of concepts flattened into one very hard to grok pancake.