My question to you is, how can you change your unconscious thoughts and behaviors?

Think of this in relation to thought crime, from 1984 by George Orwell. You say to yourself, "Okay, I am depressed. I have thoughts of suicide and in general, I am miserable 24/7. Let's stop"

What do you do when, untriggered, a mistake from your past or even a happy memory of what once was comes to the front of your mind and you begin to dwell on it?

Do you tell yourself "Okay, stop thinking about this now"?

It doesn't really work like that, especially when you don't have someone to talk to.

I've struggled with these things for some time, largely alone. For me and a lot of people I've come across, depression isn't just sadness, or immense sadeness.

Depression is hopelessness, dread, [lots of] anxiety, self loathing and loneliness.

Depression is wanting so badly for someone to help but the few that are willing can't since you're unable to articulate what you need because you don't even know.

Depression makes you feel isolated and different from all of the people around you, forces you to be withdrawn. You want to break out so badly but you can't, and at worst people (friends and strangers alike) actively avoid you because you seem so off. Conversations are ended abruptly, odd looks are given, and that just adds to all the stress.

Happiness (perception of success) is usually relative. We haven't evolved to a point (culturally at least) where life isn't a zero sum game.

So, when exposed to others successes, esp in areas we lack, all the time, we start to think something is wrogn with us.