Seems like a lot of steps but I have been looking for something like this. I want to read articles but I don't want the overhead of an internet connection distracting me. Seems like it's worth a shot.
Looking at the headline, I thought “well duh.” But getting into the post I realized this is a good outlook. I’ve come to realize many factors go into internal and external success for people, including time, place, personality, innate skills and attitude.
I’ve found after trying and failing at many processes to 1) be willing and deliberate about trying new stuff and 2) drop stuff that isn’t working as quickly as possible.
Additionally, I’m trying to get better at saying something didn’t work _for me_ when it fails to stick, versus discouraging others to try it.
Neat! Would love to see some cues to get the searches going and make it stick as a better resource off the bat. Maybe a “Try searching…” that shows some complicated buzzwords. I ended up racking my brain and searching “bernoulli random variable” (binary random outcome) and then really liked the fun result for “linked list” (nodes holding hands). Great work! I’ll try to use this!
Yes, I always imagined this being just a silly exercise in pulling out a finite outcome from infinity. It’s not meant to be provable or disprovable, just hard to comprehend because we cannot think in infinite terms.
Thanks all! It was insightful to read your discoveries. I’m excited to look into the books and articles you shared. I appreciate all the wisdom shared.
I think this is a good rule to live by that I should incorporate. I fear that energy I spend on people who just aren’t into me will leave me bitter and reluctant to spend that energy on others, which will have compounding effects as I get later into life. Giving myself a firm limit of energy spent will help ensure it persists longer.
Can you expound on this a bit? It seems that it’s realistically pursuing relationships that only seem as if they are moving in a reciprocal direction, otherwise move on as quickly as possible.
I can try! Your example is fairly generous. There are several reasons, some are less appropriate for a forum like this.
It's not so much reciprocity... but, some sort of personal investment. If I don't think someone is fully into "$thing", then I'll save the spot for someone who is. There are shades to relationships, most of mine have not been great. It's a defense mechanism - I know I'm not the target.
I don't recommend any of this, really. Just to make considerations. I'm closer with some of my coworkers than most of my family, yet I'm not that keen. Most of the time, at least. It's strange. Incredibly dynamic.
I would benefit greatly from more people like you who actually do make an effort. Yet, I'd disappoint you and feel terrible about it. I think I'm always prepared for things to go south, expecting it - perhaps causing it.
If people agree to hang out with you 45% of the time, that's really great.
Most of my circle is busy enough that my personal rate is somewhere between 20% and 30%.
Try giving people a longer notice. Like maybe a full week instead of a couple of days. This should help them fit you into their schedule. People are just really busy these days.
Hey friend, sorry for taking so long to reply. Less than half is still really good, as the other commenter mentioned, try giving more lead time.
I think we’re kind of similar in that we are people who invite people places. That is our role. I look at this as being kind of like rbac - we have the role “organizer” which gives us access to the invite method.
If I were you, I’d stop worrying about reciprocation. Believe me, I know how hard that is because we’re kind of built to see reciprocation as success. But in this case, I worry that you’re trying to find problems that don’t exist.
Keep on inviting people out - you’re a good person, doing good work and you’re on the front lines fighting loneliness in other people. I don’t see an issue, in fact I just see a lot worth emulating.
If you ever get feedback that suggests the issue is you, feel free to write again. But I don’t see anything worth fixing, though I see a lot worth emulating.
